


Two To One

by earthphoenix (roughknuckles)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Animagus, Bittersweet Ending, Cohabitation, Dementors (Harry Potter) - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-22
Updated: 2006-06-22
Packaged: 2018-01-13 22:23:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1242751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roughknuckles/pseuds/earthphoenix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before being sent to Azkaban, Sirius Black had been entertaining the idea of hooking up with either Remus Lupin or Severus Snape. But before he could follow through with either, he was torn away from both, now he has been returned back into their lives and must weigh how he feels about either men.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

In Azkaban, no one celebrates their birthday. There is no reason to celebrate _any_ day, of one's birth or not. But that did not detract from the fact that is was, indeed, Sirius Black's birthday. In his cell, alone in the dark, sleeping on the cold floor, vomit and filth in one corner, dry bread, and something resembling water in another.  
  
At first there was just a hand. A warm, firm hand against Sirius's back, then whispering lips by his ear, "Sirius-" the voice was dangerously familiar.  
  
Sirius's eyes opened, large in his now thin face, he sat up quickly, surprised; the motion made him dizzy.

The dark figure of a man that was over Sirius pressed his fingers into the pureblood prisoner's shoulder, "Don't-"

A human voice was rare, the prisoners screaming and sobbing, some of them managing a suicide didn't count, they sounded like animals. A human touch was something outright alien, and Sirius froze but winced a little as the man's fingers pressed against his bony shoulder blade.

The man pressed his lips to the top of Sirius's head with a remorseful sigh, his voice was intense, with underlying sensuality as his fingers resumed something familiar, drawing his fingers upon Sirius's back, "Do you remember me Sirius?"

Sirius swallowed and shook his head, remembering in Azkaban was never good. It was never something he wanted to do, it always melted into horror. "No ..." he managed to rasp out.

The man lowered himself to the floor, a warm body pressed against him, "Do you want to remember?" His fingers traced up Sirius's spine, drawing small patterns.

Sirius tried to look behind him, "Why are you doing this?"

"Does it really matter?" His second hand moved up Sirius's arm, there was still strength in it, even if it didn't look like it.

Sirius's hand twitched, lungs racing to breathe enough, "Severus ..."

"Yes-" the Death Eater kissed Sirius briefly, not caring that the pureblood tasted of vomit, of sickness and blood. He would kiss those lips, at any cost, as he proved.

Sirius pulled back a little, still shocked, convinced he'd finally let go of reality completely. "You can't be here."

Combing his fingers through Sirius's hair, Severus sighed, gently working out the knots. "But I am."

Sirius shook his head, "You'll ... " he felt like he was in a haze, a permanent, heavy, black haze, "you'll be caught, they'll come again, they always come ..." His hand went to Severus's robe, fingers curling in it as tears came to his eyes.

"Not this time." Severus explained with a lump in his throat, "I have paid ... a great deal of money, so that no one comes." His hands could do nothing else but touch Sirius.

Sirius paused again, just looking at his hand on Severus's chest. "Why?" He looked awful, there was no getting around that. Sirius was frail, his body wasted from starvation, trauma and the small cell he'd been thrown into. His once ivory skin was almost see through now, veins stood out, dark blue ribbons coursing down his neck, his arms, under the grey, torn robes he'd worn for gods only know how long. His hair was dull and tangled, grown all the way down his back and his eyes were like stones, hopeless, shut off.

Severus closed his eyes, he maintained the appearance of strength, even now, "Because Sirius, I am already in here with you. And yet, no matter how much I think upon you, we cannot touch- but now-" his fingers could touch, did, touch.

Sirius swallowed, shaking his head, "You've ... lost your mind. I'm going to die in here." After eleven years of fighting, of struggling with every thought, fighting every dementor ... Sirius had given up. No one was strong enough. No one ever won. No one escapes, innocent or not.

Trying to offer a distraught man hope was a dangerous thing, so he said nothing on the subject of where Sirius Black would die, except he did confirm, "Yes, I'm sure I have lost my wits. But you don't mind, do you?" He held Sirius, warming him, caressing the strain of skin upon bone.

Sirius just focused on a patch of robe. "You'll leave. I can't ... "

"I'll come back." Which was something Severus _could_ promise.

Sirius looked up again, through his hair, and his eyes held a little more hope. Fingers continued to slowly work the length of Sirius's hair, untangling it as he went. He pressed his lips to Sirius's temple. "I'm not ... who I was."

"No, I don't imagine you are." Severus closed his eyes, and still he lingered, he would not abandon Sirius, no matter who he was, murderer or not, "As I am quite sure I have changed as well." But still, he was here now.

"I didn't do it," Sirius murmured. "Severus-" he looked up at him, desperate, "I didn't do it."

Severus paused, and took up Sirius's chin, tipping it up, forcing Sirius to keep his dark gaze. "Once more."

Sirius licked his dry lips, "I didn't do it."

Letting out a breath he felt like he had held for years, Severus nodded. "I believe you Sirius."

Sirius knew Severus could tell a liar from someone who was honest, he knew he could trust him to know ... to _believe_ him. His jaw trembled a little and he just buried his head against Severus's wide chest.

Severus snaked his arms around Sirius's back, holding him close as his heart pounded to a steady drumming beat, "Shhh, shhh- Sirius- I know- I know the truth. Soon others will know it to- shhh- shhh- Sirius-"

"I was not the secret keeper."

Severus blinked, "Who-?"

The words fell out of Sirius's mouth like a disease leaving him, "Peter Pettigrew."

Little Peter. No better than a leech, a parasite. Severus whispered into Sirius's hair, "Alright Sirius- alright- shhh- shhh-"

"No-" Sirius rasped like a dying man, "You have to know ... you have to know, Severus. It's still my fault, but I never meant for it to happen."

 _Oh god_. This is where things were bound to go wrong. Because the more Sirius spoke, of what he thought he had done wrong, the more likely at some point, part of it could be traced back to an action Severus did or did not take. Severus swallowed hard, he would not deny Sirius the confession that the broken man surely needed to be rid of. His hands remained unbearably tender as one palmed the length of Sirius's back.

"James was going to make me the secret keeper." He swallowed, "Everyone knew, it only made sense. Everyone knew it would be me, I knew it too- so when it came time ... I told him not to do it. We wouldn't tell anyone, not even Dumbledore. I would run, lead the deatheaters across Europe, make them chase me ... and Peter would go into hiding. It was perfect ... we'd never screwed up before ... I came home, just for Halloween, that's all. Peter was supposed to report back to me, but ... that day, he didn't check in, no owl. I ... got spooked. I don't know why, but I just ... I got scared in the middle of the night and I went, my heart was ... speeding and I went to the house but it wasn't there any more. It wasn't ... it was just rocks and-" he trailed off.

Severus's fingers filled in the difference in the hollows of Sirius's body. Severus ached at the memory of it, someday he'd recognize that ache for what it was: love, compassion for those lost, either in body or spirit.

It was a moment before he could speak again, "I knew ... what happened, why he didn't report that night. I just ... left. I apparated, left my bike behind, just apparated to Peter's and broke the door down. He was packing a suitcase and he ran. I chased him ... we ended up in a crowd of muggles, but I was so fucking ... FUCKING mad ... I wanted him hurt. I wanted him in HERE. I wanted to scream at him and tear him apart-" he looked up at Severus, "but I wasn't going to kill the bastard."

_Fate worse than death, you wanted him to suffer, as he deserved._

"I was aiming at him, I was going for him with my bare hands and ..." Sirius laughed bitterly, "he turned his wand on himself and cut off his finger. I just- I mean ... what the fuck was he doing? I sort of stopped and opened my mouth and he looked at me- right at me and smiled and said 'No, Sirius- don't!' and then everything blew up. I was blasted back, I hit my head and a news stand flipped over on me, but I saw him change. He changed into his animagus form ... a rat ... and crawled down the sewer. I knew it ... " he shook his head, "I knew there was nothing I could do- the dementors came ... it was all ... fast." Sirius just leaned against Severus, limp with grief.

"And no one listened-" Severus breathed, "I am sorry Sirius- that no one listened." Severus among them. He rocked Sirius in his arms like a child that he was putting down for a nap.

"I can't prove anything."

"And nothing can be. Not until, he, is found."

Sirius was silent, shut down. "Tell Remus." He curled his small body against Severus, _warm Severus._

"I will." _Not alone Sirius_. Severus held the broken man.

Sirius tucked his face against Severus's neck, it felt nice ... which felt excruciating.

 _Would it break him further to know?_ "You're thirty-three today Sirius."

Fear set in. That secret, burning inside him was what had kept him alive so long ... now it was gone. Sirius laughed bitterly, half a sob. "What a waste." Tears soaked Severus's robes, his clean robes that smelled like outside. _Outside._

Severus agreed, _eleven wasted years_. He bowed his head, kissing Sirius on either side of his face, brushing away his tears with his lips.

 _I can smell the outside on you. I will never see it._ Sirius shook his head and sobbed, face against Severus's shoulder. 

Severus swallowed, wondering if his presence was more torture. He removed one arm, then the second from the sleeve of his heavy overcoat. Then slipped it around Sirius, warmly against his back and over his shoulders, over the ministry issued prisoner uniform that barely kept fleas out, let alone the cold.

Sirius clung to him, arms around his neck, shaking. The overcoat, made for the always slim Severus Snape, looked giant on Sirius, his hair blended in, and only his gaunt, exhausted face showed.

Severus moved a hand behind Sirius's head, fingers against his scalp, keeping their foreheads together, "You have me Sirius," he said only this at first, "for the entire day you have me, I'm not going anywhere. You are not alone."

"Thank you ..." a day was forever. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." Sirius took deep breaths, calming down, trying to. He couldn't imagine anyone ever spending a moment voluntarily here. Not in this cell, not behind the bars that were scratched with dog bites against it. Sirius couldn't stop crying, he saw it all through a visitor's eyes and it was even worse than it was before, he was worse.

Hardly detached, hardly desensitized, Severus was still silent. Strong and silent, some things change, but not all. His lips grazed Sirius's face again, "... please ..."

Sirius's face was becoming clean again from tears, revealing his translucent skin under the dirt. "Sorry, I'm sorry ... I don't mean to cry ..."

"Don't apologize Sirius. Not with me. There is no need."

Crying felt like vomiting, like bleeding from his eyes, uncontrollable. "I need ... "

"Hmm?" Severus hummed patiently, his voice rolling around in his chest, sometimes raw when he finally remembers to use it after much neglect.

Grief can kill. Sirius had seen it over and over again. Prisoners would lay down and close their eyes and die, they'd just stop breathing after their organs shut down, or they stopped eating and starved to death. The autopsy would reveal that they died of liver failure or infection, but Sirius knew the truth. It was this place, this windowless, cold, filthy place that infected and killed them all. Everyone acted strong at first. Sirius had, for longer than most, but with time, just breathing hurt. He couldn't move without pain, and then he just gave up on moving at all, staring with unfocused eyes at the walls, finding shapes in the rocks and then sobbing because they would never be outside, he and the rocks were together, just as unlikely to see sunlight again, to run.  
  
Severus moistened his lips, brushing them against Sirius's once more, bravely wishing to draw the pureblood out, to tear him from where his mind had suddenly, quietly lingered.

Sirius swallowed, trying to stop crying, and let Severus kiss him.

Severus was absurdly gentle, coaxing, sadly reassuring that life was indeed pain, but it was worth it for those few, sweet moments. Like a soft kiss between two men.

Their lips met again and he quieted a little more, swallowing. "You don't have to-"

"I want to Sirius- but not if you don't want it."

"I think ..." Sirius swallowed again, trembling in the long coat, "you're ... crazy."

Severus laughed a little, "Think so?" He kissed Sirius still, keeping their mouths together, healing the cracks upon Sirius's lips with his own saliva.

Sirius hummed and nodded, actually smiling a little.

Severus had been aware of just how drained, lifeless, and wiry Sirius was when he first entered - he hoped, yes, hoped to offer himself, as an alternative - he offered sweet kisses, tainted with life, numbing his senses, no longer focused on the cold, but the warmth of two bodies.

Sirius hummed sweetly, brightening a little.  He didn't feel ... old.  Sirius's hands laid over Severus's chest, shifting and stroking against the clean cloth, the stainless fabric was ordinary, but to Sirius it was as exotic as bringing a tree inside to grow in his cell, or enchanting a window for sun. He could feel the sun inside Severus. _Coffee ... he had coffee ..._

Severus couldn't help but moan into Sirius's mouth, _there._ There was the change, the feeling he had hoped to inspire. The man in his arms was remembering what it meant to feel, to experience good sensations.  
  
Sirius swept his tongue over the roof of Severus's mouth, tasting him, tasting life. He actually moaned the moment he touched his hair. _Soft._

Severus resumed combing his long fingers through Sirius's hair, down, down to the small of his back.

Sirius let his hand drift over Severus's throat, just skimming the skin, gentle. _Skin ... his skin_. "You don't- have to ..." he murmured, "don't ... pity me ..."  
  
Severus was firm, clear, "I am not known for my benevolence Sirius. Nor am I in the habit of repeating myself. I want to ... I've wanted to for a long time ... but I will stop, if that is what you want, if you don't want this from _me_."  
  
Sirius kissed him again. _Don't stop_.

The dark rumbling groan on a coming thunderstorm rolled around in Severus's chest as they kissed, trying not to seem desperate for Sirius's mouth, as he had been when he first came.

Sirius's arms went around him, hand twisting in Severus's black hair, "Please ..."

Any excuse, any twisted excuse at all to have Sirius's hands upon him, that mouth, even if it were simply yelling at him. Severus's hands locked against Sirius's spine, keeping their chests together, his heart drummed on, steady and hard

"Mmm-" Sirius pleaded, kissing Severus now with open desperation, too deprived and needy, too overwhelmed to hide it.

"My mouth- my mouth Sirius is to feed you sweetness. And my hands- my hands are to serve you Sirius. Anything you want- anything."

"Everything ... please, anything, anything..." Sirius crushed Severus's mouth with his own again.

Severus fell back against the floor, his spine straight against the stone surface. His hands wondered down, past the torn holes in Sirius's clothing, then under the hem, and up against his bare chest, forever gentle, he remembered his skin as it was, not as it felt now. 

Sirius gasped, "Sev ...."

Severus purposefully gave Sirius empowerment, over him, giving him the feeling that he had control over something in his life. If only for the day. His hands traced small patterns over Sirius's skin, kissing his neck, licking it clean.

Sirius was laying over Severus, kissing him before he groaned, letting his thighs straddle Severus's hips. "Oh!" he gasped and smiled a little at _... oh ... wow_.  "Mmm-" He remembered now, experimenting with other men as he fled through Europe, the fear and exhilaration ... it was always good. And being drunk at Harry's first birthday, it was held in the Order Headquarters, everyone was reunited for once and ... there was a kiss. An unexpectedly good, strong kiss.

Severus could see it, the light, the brilliant light of a star in Sirius's eyes - Sirius was remembering things that did not cause him pain - he was remembering that there were indeed good things in life, worth living and dying for.

Sirius kissed Severus again, the same way.

Severus whimpered, sinking back into the floor as if it were suddenly a room of fluffy blankets and pillows. His thin lips kissed Sirius, strong and solid, just like the rest of him, oddly dependable.

Sirius let his hand slip under Severus's black shirt, tracing over his flat stomach, "Severus ..."

"Yes Sirius-" it was both a question and an answer.

"Need ... you ..."

Severus nodded, "Anything Sirius-" his hands stopped tracing themselves over Sirius's chest, but then back down to the hem of his ragged pants, "I am yours."

Sirius was hesitant though, and just kept kissing Severus.

"It's alright-" Severus assured, neither men where their to make judgements upon the other. His hand slipped down into Sirius's pants, very slowly, quite sure that the man hadn't entertained the idea for some time. Gentle, always and forever supremely and secretly gentle.

Sirius stopped his hand suddenly, shaking his head. "Sorry ..." he whispered.

Severus stopped. But smiled a little, "I won't, not again. Not unless you give permission. I'm sorry."

"No ... I'm just ... exhausted."

Severus nodded, "Lay here, with me. Sleep, and know that no dementors will come."

Sirius swallowed, but nodded, shaking again. Just the mention of dementors brought it all back into his head.

"Sleep- sleep Sirius-" Severus cooed, brushing his hand down Sirius's back.

Sirius managed to lay down, though, and rested his head on Severus's back. "I don't know if I can sleep ... when I'm human..."

"Anything, anything Sirius." Severus continued to pet the man.

Sirius breathed, trying to calm down. It was some time before he could close his eyes, and just like that, an emaciated, sick black dog lay beside Severus, head on the Slytherin's warm chest, shivering.

Severus pulled the heavy jacket back up and over the dog. He had worn it that day with the intention of leaving it there for him. He had drunk coffee, with the intention of Sirius being able to taste it once more. He would remain, as long as he could manage, petting his fingers through the black hair, awake, and deep in thought.


	2. Chapter 2

The dog slept under the heavy jacket, almost lost in it, as the man had been. Hardly noticeable. Severus sat up to his knees, then promptly scooped up the animal into his arms, covered by the jacket, it simply looked like he had removed his coat and balled it up, of which he could pass it off and say that it had been ruined by vomit and he didn't want to wear it. And so, knowing that he was to be left alone, Severus walked, heart racing with each step. If he could only manage this. It was surreal. They were in the open air, outside, within minutes. Then in a carriage, that took over an hour to bring them back to any place that resembled civilization. But by the end of the day, sometime before midnight, still technically Sirius's birthday - Severus Snape had brought a mangy black dog into his house, and up to his room. Laying him down on his simple, hard mattress on the floor. Laying next to the dog once more, it was as if they hadn't moved at all, that the entire journey had been a dream. Except that it wasn't. Sirius was free, and might just die from the shock of it.

The dog just stretched a little and sighed happily, still deep asleep. Padfoot's paws moved a little as though he were running and he made barking noises through his closed mouth.

Severus continued to pet his hand through the black hair, "Shhh- shhh--" he whispered. "Easy- easy- Sirius- easy-" Severus continued softly.

One dark eye opened. 

"It's ok- easy-" Severus scratched the dog behind his head.

The dog stretched and yawned sleepily before he opened the other eye, just blinking at Severus.

"You can sleep more, it's alright-" Severus continued gently.

Padfoot then rolled onto his stomach suddenly and growled. BARK. BARK. BARK.

Severus recoiled his hand, "Sirius- Sirius- stop, it's alright."

On to his feet, the dog looked around, ears and tail down, whimpering, confused. The dog backed up, running into a table and BARKED.

Severus sat up, offering his hand, palm up, gently he continued, "Sirius- it's ok- calm down, shhh, shhh, Sirius- easy- easy-"

_Grrrr... rrr... rrr..._ blink. Padfoot licked his lips and straightened up a bit, head tilted at Severus. His ears perked up a little and he looked around warily before his tail began to wag.

"Shhh- easy- that's it- easy Sirius-" Severus remained calm, soft spoken.

_Good place. Good place, good place! YAY! YAY! GOOD PLACE! FOOD! GOOD! GOOD MAN! GOOD MAN!_ The dog ran around in a circle quickly and then tackled Snape, licking his face with giddy, insane dog glee.

Severus almost thought that dog was going to tear his throat out as he fell back, his hands raised, submissive to the dog, then eased as he realized he was being licked.

Padfoot did another racing circle around the kitchen, clearing the table with his huge tail, leaping against the counter and the bounding back to Snape, tackling him again with more kisses.

"Ok-" Severus smiled, and finally stood, crossing to open the back door, his yard was nothing more than high grass and weeds, all of which Sirius would surely enjoy.

The dog was a blur, jumping into the grass, rolling on it, jumping into a mud puddle, racing after a bird, around a tree and then back to the house, panting hard. He was still very thin, hurt, exhausted.

Severus knelt down, petting his hand over the length of the black dog, over his chest and back, over his racing heart, "Easy- easy-" he pressed his face into the scruff of the dog's neck, "you're safe." He mumbled, _not alone_.

The dog rolled over, grateful, smiling, still wagging weakly.

Severus smiled, "Shh- shh- it's alright-" Severus took up the dog in his arms once more and carried him back over to the mattress on the floor, laying him carefully down. "Going to get you water- and something to eat-"

The dog still wagged, wagged, wagged. More kisses against Severus's dry cheek. His eyes were half shut already though, and his coat was dull, patchy.

"Ok." Severus stood, and went into the kitchen, just a room away, and set about cooking something for the dog. It did not take long, as Severus returned with water, crackers, and a thin, broth based soup.

Padfoot ate whatever Severus put down immediately.

Severus took out a towel, making it warm and damp, rubbing it over the black dog's joins, knowing that it would be easier on the man, once he transformed back. All the while, just talking to him, just soothing and promising, and devoted.

The huge, thin black dog then fell asleep in his empty dish.  
  
Severus cleaned off the dog's face, removing the dirty dishes - summing a brush, and sweeping away the matted and dead hair in clumps.

Suddenly the dog turned back into Sirius, who was still asleep. He looked a little cleaner, a little more like himself. His black hair was at least mostly unknotted now.

Leaving Sirius to rest, Severus moved to his closet and looked over the limited choices. He had sold all his formal wear, he had sold his bed, kept only the mattress, in fact he had sold nearly all of his furniture, and spent 90% of the money he had saved over the last eleven years, just to visit Sirius, for one day.  
  
Sirius swallowed and his eyes opened a little, "Sev ..."

But soon Severus found something, muggle clothing, and returned to Sirius's side, "Here." He said, kneeling down, and put the clothes before Sirius.

Sirius smiled a little, "Don't ... suppose you have a bathtub?"

"Just- a shower-"

Sirius sat up slowly, looking dazed, "That's fine, trust me." He already had strength in his face, his eyes, and tried to stand.

Instinctively, Severus pressed a hand around Sirius's back, helping to support the man as he stood, "Take your time-"

"Trust me-" Sirius laughed a little, a rusty sound, "It's going to take a while." He stood for a moment, getting his balance, "Okay ... okay ... I can walk ... I'm okay ..."

"Yep- you sure are-" and yet Severus did not retract his support, _damn everyone's pride_. Severus nodded to the door just adjacent to his room, "Just there-"

Sirius nodded and took a step, then another, shyly noticing that Severus didn't move away from him. He supported himself against the shower wall with one hand and then leaned against it, looking at Severus.

"I already feel ... cleaner." Sirius smiled weakly.

Severus swallowed, "There is soap, just there-" he pointed, "towels here" he pointed again, "and ... if you need, me, anything ... I'll be just outside."

"I need you."

Severus worried his lower lip for the briefest of seconds, "I'm here Sirius." He remained, his hand still against Sirius's back, not yet willing to let go.

Sirius put one skeletal hand on Severus's chest.

"Let me." Severus said, moving his second hand to remove Sirius's shirt.

"Wait- first ..." he swallowed and then draped one thin arm around Severus's shoulders. "I can take my own shirt off ..." he murmured, "I need you to ... kiss me again."

There was a hint of embarrassment in Severus's smile, but he was far from ashamed or unwilling, arching his neck, Severus offered his lips, claiming Sirius's in return.

Sirius hummed again, kissing Severus back, both arms around Severus's neck now, and his back held securely. "Thank you ... I can never ... thank you ..."

Severus shook his head slightly, _don't thank me, Sirius Black doesn't thank me_. And yet he kissed Sirius still, nuzzling their noses together as they continued to remain so close.

Sirius just hummed, a couple of tears loosing from his eyes, but no sobbing now, no hollow, tortured sound from his chest. This was ... perfect. Reassuring and steady and warm ... from someone who came to kiss him when no one else wanted him alive. "Sev ..."

"Yes Sirius-" again it was both a question and a confirmation. _Yes, anything you want. Yes, I am really here. Yes, you can depend upon me. Yes ...?_  
  
"You ... can take off my shirt if you want ... I mean, now that you're here ..." Sirius kissed him again, harder, feeling clearer with every breath, as though he were coming out of a befuddlement charm.

Severus smiled softly, his one hand still held Sirius, while the other curled around the bottom hem of Sirius's shirt, and began to peel it up and off Sirius's chest, tossing it to the bathroom floor. Though the body before him was so obviously damaged, Severus didn't see it.

Sirius's thin hands slid up into Severus's hair, clutching gently as they kissed in the small, clean, cool shower without water.

Placing the flat of his hand against Sirius's chest, Severus breathed Sirius's name gently against his neck.

Sirius covered Severus's hands as it rested against his dire-looking ribs just above his heart, "Why did you come when you thought I was a murderer?"

Severus breathed out sharply a breath he had been holding, he closed his eyes for a moment, this wasn't hard for him to explain, no, not at all. "Because- even so- I-" he swallowed, not hard at all.

The pureblood's wasted hand tightened over Severus's.

Severus took a deep breath, then opened his dark eyes, looking to Sirius intensely, "Because I cannot help who I am Sirius. And who I am, is a person who- loves you." _Even if you don't want to be loved by me or not._

Sirius's eyes were teary again, "You're ... crazy."

"Yes." Severus smiled a little, "As you've already pointed out quite clearly."

Sirius leaned up and covered Severus's mouth with a kiss, silencing him.

Severus's lips caressed Sirius's mouth, adoring with a growing moan. Severus's hand was led to Sirius's trouser waistband as he kissed the Slytherin harder. But Severus would not touch, not without direct consent, but he did understand this limited command, and helped to ease Sirius's worn pants off his defined hips, dropping them to his ankles.

Sirius kicked them away. "Mmmmm-" He opened his mouth, winding their tongues together slowly.

Severus sucked at Sirius's tongue, careful not to make demands, but savoring his taste, even if hidden under years of filth.

Moving his thin hands from Severus's hair to his shirt, Sirius began undoing the buttons quickly, letting his fingers touch the skin underneath, lingering over the warmth.

Severus reached back behind him an adjusted the shower head, "Want me to turn it on?"

Letting his lips brush down Severus's neck, Sirius nodded. "Ohgods ... please." He even laughed a little, amazed. _I'm ... out. I'm in Severus Snape's shower. He loves me._

Severus turned on the water, it slowly warmed up, sputtering to life, pouring down on the pureblood and the dressed death eater.

Sirius gasped at first and then smiled, "You're going to soak your clothes."

"I don't mind."

"I need soap-" Sirius was still giggling.

Severus shook his head, hair sticking to the back of his neck. He reached a hand over and grabbed a piece of lava soap.

The water felt ... heavenly. He had forgotten how perfect a simple warm shower felt. The dark grit ground into his skin was already washing away, swirling down the drain as he kissed Severus on the neck again.

Severus overturned the soap in his hand a few times, until it lathered, then pressed it against Sirius's shoulders, down his arms, washing, massaging, touching, after years of not.

Sirius groaned softly, kissing the spot just under Severus's ear devotedly, gratefully. Sirius actually had no idea how small he was now until Severus washed his back and mapped the hollows, the now concave lines of his waist and back.

Reaching back, Severus adjusted the shower head again so that it would rinse away the soap from Sirius's body.

Sirius licked his lips again, "Is it working?"

"Yes Sirius- you smell like-" Severus laughed a little, "Hope you don't mind, you smell like honeyoats."

Sirius smiled again, "I'll settle for it." He just rested his head against Snape's shoulder, breathing, eyes closed.

Leaning forward, Severus kissed Sirius's neck and shoulder, letting the water beat down against the back of his own head for the moment. "Do you feel clean? Or at least- a little better?"

"Both ... mmm." Sirius stroked his hands up and down Severus's back through his wet black shirt. A soft kiss against Severus's neck, _I feel ... lighter_.

Water rolled down Severus's jaw, and his eyelashes became heavy as water condensed, he closed his eyes, almost just as unbelieving that this day had actually happened, that, these past eleven years have actually happened. But they had changed, each a little in their own way, and Severus now worried that his change, Sirius might consider unacceptable.

Sirius tucked his head under Severus's jaw. "Are you okay?"

Severus sighed, water spraying from his lips, "Sorry. Dwelling in the past and that which cannot be changed."

Sirius kissed Severus again, gently. "If you don't live there, I won't ..."

"Agreed." Severus put aside the soap and turned off the water, groping for a large towel to wrap Sirius in.

Sirius blinked as though he'd been sleeping, "Done?"

"For now." Severus smiled a little, wrapping the towel over Sirius's shoulders and chest, drying him as his hand moved over Sirius's thin body.

Sirius swallowed, "Thank you ... I'm sorry, tired ..."

"It's alright Sirius-" Severus walked them out of the shower, "maybe now you'll be relaxed enough that you will find more rest." Helping to dry Sirius head to toe, Severus lead him back into his bedroom and the change of clothes he had provided.

As soon as he reached the mattress, the frail, weak man almost crashed to the floor.

Pulling blankets over Sirius, Severus moved back over to his closet and pulled out a pair of dry clothes for himself. He undressed quickly, letting the clothes fall from his back, shoulders curved in as he quickly pulled another shirt over his body, and over his arm.  
  
Sirius, wrapped in a large, dark towel on the mattress, swallowed and opened his eyes again, watching Severus.

Dropping his pants, Severus pulled on a dry pair of boxers, followed by pants. Barefoot he picked up his wet clothes, and the ones that Sirius had worn, balling it up and throwing it in the hamper to deal with later.

Sirius swallowed, letting his eyes drink in the lines of his body. The years hadn't made Severus suddenly handsome, he was still as tall, as gangly looking, but just as a beautiful face can be turned ugly with disgust, Severus had become lovely for a reason that went beyond lines and curves.

Severus's hair had fallen forward, veiling his face as it had in his youth, pushing it back with his fingers he silently left the room, assuming that Sirius's silence was due to his slumber.

Sirius sat up, looking after him with the sort of devotion that few ever suspected the once-handsome man was capable of.

Severus was just in the next room over, in the kitchen, boiling hot water for tea - he wondered how long it would take people to notice that Sirius Black was no longer in Azakban. _A few days? A week? Longer?_

Sirius stood, teetering on his long, slim legs for a moment before he walked very slowly to the kitchen, still not speaking a word.

The glass kettle on the stove top was see through, and Severus just stood there, staring at it, watching bubbles form and race one another to the surface.

Sirius took a few steps closer, his towel wrapped around his hips. Now that he was clean, he looked ethereal with his long curtain of black hair and the almost smoky dark shadows around his eyes. "Severus?"

Severus's fingers reflectively curled into the counter top, "Oh-" he turned, "I thought you were resting."

"I woke up ..." Sirius watched Severus with large, haunted eyes before he stepped closer. "You carried Padfoot out ... didn't you?"

Severus reached a hand out and pushed Sirius's black hair off his face and back, behind his shoulder and down his back, "Yes."

Sirius's eyes shut and he sighed at the touch. It still felt like sun, it still stopped his breath whenever Severus touched his bare skin. "Someone's going to notice."

"Eventually-"

"I can't lead them to you."

For once in his life, Severus despised the truth. "I don't want them to find you either."

"I can't ... stay in one place for too long, then."

Severus was having trouble confronting the fact that even with Sirius's newfound freedom, they wouldn't get a chance to be together. "I know." He said sadly.

Sirius licked his lips and stepped closer, tilting his head up.

Severus wrapped his arm around Sirius's side and around his back - nuzzling their faces together, Severus just closed his eyes. _Now we both go back to being alone again._

"But I don't have to leave ... right now." Sirius leaned in and kissed Severus again, temptingly.

Severus's lips were velvety and warm, his tongue exploring Sirius's mouth.

Sirius's lips parted, as did his thighs. One of his bare feet brushed against Severus's ankle, just below his trouser cuff, "Mmm..."

The kiss left Severus transported, to somewhere sweet and safe, with no darkness, no memory, no fear - just a kiss - and Sirius - whom Severus held, brining their hips together, having Sirius's lean against him, while Severus leaned back against the counter top.

"Mmmmm-" Sirius kissed him a little harder, sucking at Severus's tongue, "Severus ... " he breathed warmly against Snape's lips, "I think I should be in bed."

Severus kissed Sirius's temple, breathing out a soft sigh, "Anything-" The death eater escorted Sirius back to his mattress on the floor, easing him down.

Sirius didn't let go of Severus, just murmured, "With you ..."

Severus laid on his side, parallel to Sirius, a hand sliding across his stomach and up his chest.

Sirius turned to face him and moaned quietly, "Sev ..." He let his own pale hand brush a trail down Severus's throat, down his chest.

It was tradition now, "Yes Sirius." again, both question and statement.

"Want you-" The fugitive rumbled softly, eyes almost veiled by shadow.

Leaning into Sirius's touch, Severus's lips teased Sirius's ear lobe as he promised, "You have me."

Sirius gasped and hooked his leg behind Severus's knee, purring with closed eyes, ink black hair shimmering to the mattress under him. "Inside me."

A twisted sense of logic festered within Severus, suggesting that Sirius was just desperate to feel connected to something human, something good - and that it could have been anyone - that he, Severus, was not anything special, just convenient. Even so, he did not mind being used in this way, at least, not when it was Sirius. The hand on Sirius's chest moved down and undid the towel around his waist, then over his hip and across his thigh.

Sirius's hips tilted up and he moaned, his breath catching in his throat at the touch, "Sev ..."

"If you want me to stop, just say, and I shall."

Eleven years of asexual depression, of denial and being surrounded by death and despair ... were over, if only just right now, with Severus, with his hands on Sirius's hip, his thighs ... it was enough. Sirius nodded, understanding and licked his lips, "Promise." He opened his eyes a little, trying helplessly not to let his hips roll against Severus's touch as he whispered, "And only ... if you ... want to, I ... I can recover, I won't be like this for long ..."

Severus answered in the shower of kisses against Sirius's neck, nibbling and licking, eating at him the best way possible. His hand crept between his legs, fingers pressing into muscle that had been long ignored, massaging and encouraging it to return with the rest of Sirius's body, to the world of the living.

Sirius's long, slim body arched beautifully at the touch and he let out a deep, shaking moan of pleasure. "Oh ... oh god ..." His body began to answer Severus fully, immediately, filling his hand, blood rushing and swirling under his tight skin. "Sev-" One sharp heel dug in against the mattress, messing the sheets as it did.

The flat of Severus's stomach pressed against Sirius's sharp hip bone, rubbing himself against Sirius's leg for a moment, as they both continued to entertain the idea. Sliding his fingers under his balls, he curled his hand around Sirius, insanely gentle.

Sirius kissed the Slytherin, once his enemy now his savior, and moaned over and over again under his ragged breath, softly. "Gods, Sev- your hands are ... mmmmdizzy ... yes... yesthere ... oh ... christ you're ... good."

Severus desired to make Sirius feel the absolute opposite of imprisoned, just, free. Free to feel and express himself as he wished. His hand intimately roamed over the base of Sirius's sex, dipping between his thighs and the sensitive skin.

Another soft, broken series of gasps, "Oh ..." Sirius's hips circled up and up and up, desperate for touch. "I ... dreamt ... aboutthis ... you ... after that party ... I wondered how ... "

Severus breathed out heavily, it was a reverse gasp, but still retained surprise, "Oh- oh Sirius-" he kissed the pureblood's neck and shoulder over and over again.

"How you'd ... feel ... what you'd do if I ..." Sirius's head dropped back, swan-like to the mattress below, "Oh-"

"Yes Sirius-" _Tell me_. Severus's hand smoothed itself against either side of Sirius's thighs, spreading the mountainous flesh to reveal a secret path, his middle finger slid down, back, between Sirius's ass cheeks, just sliding against his crack - holding off on penetration - holding off on too much too quickly.

"AHH ... if ... if ..." the memory played back to Sirius again, the dreams he'd had in Europe, the stern, passionate men he always seemed to fall in with, "if I ... came to you ... and ... kissed you ... again, sober, told you ... the truth- I want you, want you ... wanted you to take advantage of me ... at the party ..." 

"Sirius-" Severus continued to encouraged, as he teased the entrance of Sirius's ass with the pad of his finger, caressing it over and over, stimulating both sensation and memory in the man.

Sirius gasped successively, unable to catch his breath, his cock desperately hard now, dark with blood. The fugitive pureblood's eyes were closed and his lips were moist with warm breath, "Severus ... Sev... ohhhhhgodsthereyesyesyes-"

Severus swallowed hard, "Easy-" he whispered, sucking Sirius on the ear, as he pushed his finger in, "easy-" as so it was, there was nothing forced about how Severus moved his finger into Sirius.

Sirius's moan broke and for a moment there was no sound from his lips, just a silent, decadent "o" of his mouth. When he drew in another shuddering breath, he leaned his head to the side, exposing his neck for his partner's pleasure. "Sev-"

"Mmm- there-" Severus slipped his long, thin finger in up to the knuckle, "Sirius- nice and easy-" he kisses Sirius's neck, kissing, licking (though already cleaned) as if to bring his blood and body back into circulation, sucking.

The feeling of being filled, even partway, even just with Severus's finger was almost unbearably good after over a decade of cold deprivation. "Yes ... ohgods, ohgods ... so good, already so ... fucking good."

The dark eyed man was thinking upon how he would have wanted to be loved after experiencing pain, suffering; how he would want someone to care. As always, he offered Sirius a way out, "I won't hurt you Sirius-" He sat up on his knees, arm still angled around and between the pureblood's legs, finger rotating in his ass, "but I want to kiss your cock- will you let me?"

Sirius just nodded, unable to manage any more words. "MMmmm-"

The corner of Severus's lips upturned into a pleased, almost drunk smile. He bowed his head down to Sirius's sex, and did just as he promised, he simply kissed, a little licking, but mostly kissing the head of his cock, down it's shaft, and back up once more. Finger easing itself in again, moving in a steady, dependable motion as he pressed in.  
  
Sirius MOANED, his neck and back making a clean, sharp arch off of the sturdy mattress. _Oh god ... he ... he ... he's, his mouth, oh fuck ... hands ... yes ..._ "Gods ... SEVERUS ... Sev... Severus, Severus, Severusssss-"

Though he did not take Sirius's into his mouth, Severus did press his lips against the head of his cock, in one long, prolonged kiss; finger fucking Sirius easily now.

A hot, sudden tightening flooded Sirius's body and he cried out, "SEV ... I ... I ..." _oh gods, oh gods this is ... FUCK ..._ Unable to tolerate the coaxing any longer, Sirius came, hard and hot with his hand closed in Severus's hair and his thighs spread, it left him gasping and shaking, a bright light blinding him behind his closed eyes.

Severus continued to finger Sirius, though slowed, and slowed until it simply lingered within the pureblood. Sirius had shot part of his load into Severus's mouth, which he swallowed, though a good portion of it inked his chin and Sirius's stomach as the pureblood had grabbed his hair and pulled his head away slightly, he praised, "Easy- so good- ah, easy-"

Sirius was breathing in soft, fast gasps, and his voice was soft, a rough sounding whisper, "Sev ... I tried but fuck, it was so ... good, I ..." His thighs were trembling and hot to touch.  
  
"Shhh- it's alright Sirius-" Severus licked the corners of his mouth and swallowing the cum upon him.

Sirius moaned, opening his eyes just in time to see Severus do so. "Christ," he used a muggle curse, but breathlessly, "you're so fucking sexy."

Severus gasped, choking on surprise, not Sirius. Severus could do nothing but to play upon his genetically miscalculated features, "Yes, I imagine that's what it would take, eleven years with no other human sight for me to be sexy."

Sirius LAUGHED, leaning up and wrapping his arms around Severus, kissing him hard, letting his tongue enter the other man's mouth and taste himself there. "Trust me, right now, between the two of us-" he grinned, their faces touching, "you're the sexy one."

Severus had by then withdrawn his finger, both hands resting comfortably against Sirius's dramatic hip bones. Severus kissed the corner of Sirius's lips, smiling.

Sirius kissed him back, curling their bodies together. He never imagined he'd ever feel frail next to Snape ... but then again, he never imagined a lot of things.

Severus reached one hand along side of them, and hooked his finger against one of the blankets, pulling it up and over Sirius's shoulders, across his back - easing them both back down upon his mattress, which was little better than the floor itself, but that little difference was all that mattered. Facing each other, Severus continued to kiss Sirius quite sweetly. Severus Snape, rigid, violent, commanding, feared Death Eater was at his core, a surprisingly gentle lover.

Sirius hummed, both arms staying firmly around Severus's neck as he felt himself laid down against the mattress again. His chest ached and his breath felt raw in his dry lungs. Fear began to creep in again; _they'll come now, no one can feel that and not pay for it later_. The exotic happiness he'd felt a moment ago was so foreign that it was almost terrifying.

Severus felt Sirius's body grow tight, and mistook it for coldness, "Do you need another blanket? Are you cold?"

Sirius just nodded. He was cold, cold from the inside out at the thought of the dementors, who didn't need to be able to touch him to be able to eviscerate him.

Severus withdrew himself from Sirius's embrace, and pulled at two rather heavy blankets, draping them over Sirius before rubbing his hand quickly down Sirius's back to get blood moving once more. "I can make you something hot to eat, or drink-" he suggested.

"No-" Sirius grasped Severus again, tucking his head under the Slytherin's chin.

"Alright-" Severus breathed, defeated. And so Severus simply continued to rub his hands over Sirius's body, warming from the friction of skin against skin.

Sirius just breathed quietly for a while longer, before he swallowed again, "They might be able to sense me while I'm human."

"Do as you must Sirius-" _as shall I._

Sirius shook his head, catching himself, "They _will_  sense me, when I'm human." He looked up at Severus, swallowing, "I'd rather be here with you like this ... I really would," Sirius stared for a moment, fascinated before he sighed, "but for now, I'll have to be your pet dog most of the time. Name me anything you want, just not ... Padfoot, or anything that might lead back to me. I'm sorry." He kissed Severus again, a long, soft kiss before pulling away and changing in Severus's arms into the large, undernourished, but much happier black dog.

Severus smiled, tucking his face against the black dog's neck and thick fur, "It occurs to me, that I could say just about anything, and here you are, for once, unable to argue with me." he teased. Though in response he got a soft growl and a nip at his fingers. Still, Severus smiled, brushing his hand down the length of the dog's body. "It is good to have you here, in any form."


	3. Chapter 3

Severus Snape had a caller the next day. A rather insistently knocking upon his door. Severus cautioned his dog to lay low while he curled his fingers about his wand and answered the door.  
  
Remus. His eyes red, frustrated.

Severus and Remus had spoken a few times over the years. Though mostly, when they got together, they simply sat in silence, secretly just enjoying being in the same room as someone who they suspected might understand.   
  
"Lupin." Severus said carefully, "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Why Severus. Why now." Remus entered into Severus's home without invitation.

"Calm yourself. What are you talking about?"  
  
"Calm? Calm?!" Remus fisted the article, "If you want to play this game with everyone else, that's just fine Severus, but don't you dare play it with me!"

At the knock on the door, Padfoot had hid himself under a table with a tablecloth, chin on the ground, grey eyes worried, curled into a very tight ball. _Mad Remus ... Mad Remus._

"What-?" Severus started.  
  
Remus grabbed the collar of Severus's shirt, "He's DEAD Severus ... dead." he sniffed. Remus in particular had found the situation painfully hard, to still care, love even, a person whom had killed those whom he had cared, loved for as well.

Padfoot's eyes narrowed and his teeth bared a little. _Careful._

Severus had not the brute ability to fight Remus, and so quite coldly, requested, "Let go of me Remus."  
  
Remus let go, but stared at Severus darkly, "Tell me Severus. Right now. Tell me it wasn't you."  
  
Again Severus was perplexed, "That _what_ , wasn't me?"  
  
"That you killed Sirius!" Remus growled.  
  
There was a pause. And quite honestly, Severus met Remus's gaze. "I did not kill Sirius."

_I'm ... dead?_ Padfoot tilted his head, listening intently.

Remus fidgeted, sitting on Severus's one of two chairs left in the small house.  
  
"Now Remus." Severus began coolly, "What do you mean by this? Who says Sirius is dead?"  
  
Remus pushed the crunched up article into Severus's hand, and yet he did something odd, he took in Severus's house with some confusion, "Where are all your things Severus?"  
  
But Severus was too busy reading the absurd article to be bothered about explaining away his missing belongings.

For a moment, Padfoot had to resist turning into Sirius and just taking that article, but _... no, no down boy_. Remus ... hated him - didn't he?

Severus read a section of the article out loud, very much on purpose, "It says here ministry officials refuse to comment except to say, _"Well, with a murderer like Sirius Black finally gone for good, the public can rest easier, and their taxes will be better spent."_ now Remus, this- surely this is some- joke. I mean, what evidence do they have of this?"  
  
Remus held his head in his hands, "Read on, it says he was obliterated. OBLITERATED SEVERUS."

Severus put the article aside just as Remus approached Severus, "I want to know who did it."

"But- to what end Remus?"  
  
"Stop!" Remus growled, "Don't pretend with me Severus, you know just as well as I that you care!"

Black doggy eyebrows went up, and Padfoot held his breath. _Good ... Remus?_

Severus was silent, patient for the werewolf to calm himself.  
  
"I almost- I- I had allowed myself a foolish hope Severus-" Remus began to confess, "that maybe-" he cried, pulling at Severus, forcing the death eater to hug him, "now I have only you." _The rest are dead, gone._

Remus, he knew, had to hate him now, _had_ to hate him. He believed he was the murderer after all, the one who had basically killed not only the muggles but Lily, and James. _FOOLISH HOPE WHAT? FOOLISH HOPE WHAT?_ Sirius felt himself transform and pulled himself in, close, backing out from under the table and into the kitchen, unseen by Remus. _Thank god I'm so fucking scrawny. That would have been bad timing._ His hands were shaking, and then he realized he was still naked. _FUCK. I'm ... NAKED. FUCK_. He cast around in the small, closeted in kitchen for ANYTHING to wear. _A ... pan? A frying pan. No._

"Remus- please." Severus attempted awkwardly, patting Remus's back.  
  
"I convinced myself Severus- that he was just away, on a long trip, and that maybe, maybe one day I'd see him again ... all of them, again. But I won't ... I won't ever now- he's gone. They're all ... really gone." Remus cried upon Severus's shoulder, sobbing, breath ragged. He knew that the death eater had felt for Sirius was well, even if he was unable to show it.   
  
Sirius swallowed, shocked that Remus would cry at his death. While Remus's back was turned, Sirius grabbed the sheet and wound it around himself quickly, quietly and then looked at Severus, mouthing "Tell him the truth ... please."

Severus nodded slightly, "Remus, please." He began gently as he could manage, "Sirius is not dead. And there is a very good reason why I say this- oh yes-" Remus had looked up, staring into Severus dark eyes, almost angry and insulted he would try to say such a thing, "I know this to be fact Remus. As I did in fact go to see him the other day."  
  
"You- YOU LIED TO ME- You DID KILL HIM!" Remus growled, hands clenched against Severus's collar once again, shaking him.  
  
"Not dead Remus-" Severus gasped, "I helped him escape." Remus's hands tightened, warning Severus not to speak such lies. "Please- Remus- he's not dead."

Sirius swallowed, arms folded across his thin chest, shadows pooling under his dramatic cheekbones, as dark as his hair. His bare feet were cold on the tile floor, and his heart was pounding so quickly that he felt like he might ... just ... keel over ... One hand went to the wall beside him to steady himself.

"Remus-"

Remus felt his skin crawl as if a full moon were beating down upon him. He did not let go of Severus. He was confused for a moment, who had spoken his name, as he did not see Severus's mouth move. Turning his head, Remus saw ... Sirius.

Sirius's chest heaved, hollowly and he held up his free hand, shaking hard. "I didn't do it. I didn't do it .. I was never the secret keeper, Remus .."

Letting go of Severus quite suddenly, this was too much for the distraught werewolf to take in, he backed up against the wall much like an animal, "What the- WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON?!" Remus raised his wand, not sure who to point it at.

Sirius's voice was soft and hoarse, rough over the legion of knots in his throat. "REMUS!" Sirius shook his hand, "No! For ... JesusChrist, please ... I ... I'm not armed ..." He swallowed, "Please listen, if you don't believe me, just ... AK me right here. I don't care, alright? Let me ... explain."

But Severus did care, and put himself between the armed werewolf and Sirius, he flicked out his own wand, and warned, "If we duel. I will win. Now listen to reason Remus." He said quite firmly.  
  
Remus's chest heaved. His hand shook as he lowered his wand.

"Severus ... don't ... it's important, I just ..." Sirius laughed and it sounded like dead leaves blown down a street, "Have to sit down ..."

Any other day, Severus would have gone to Sirius's aid to help him sit, but for the moment he was watching Remus, wary of how he was watching Sirius.  
  
"Start talking." the werewolf demanded.

Sirius's hand slid down the wall, but he kept standing, and looked at Remus, knowing he had to be fast and rational right now. His life depended on it. Probably Severus's too. "Alright. James was going to ask me. I knew it, you knew it ... it was as good as done but the time came and I stopped-" Sirius swallowed, guilt flooding him, "I ..." he nodded, "I stopped him. It was so obvious, I was the most obvious person for the job! So ... I told James, I told him to change his mind. Don't put the secret in me, make Peter the secret keeper." He took a deep breath, "And ... he did. We all swore that we'd never tell anyone we made the switch, not Dumbledore, not Moody .. not even you. I'm ... sorry, it was so ... fucking stupid."

A tear escaped. "Peter would report to me, I'd lead the Death Eaters on a chase all over Europe, and James and Lily would be safe, no matter what. I came back, remember? For halloween. Harry was going to be a rabbit in a hat." Sirius bit his lip and his eyes darkened, "I stayed with you, but Peter didn't check in when he was going to. I ... fucking ... panicked, I just ... I had to run, I ran to the hollow, and ..." Sirius had to take several breaths before his voice cracked, "It was gone. I ... pulled James out." He shook his head, "He was ... he wasn't. Harry was bloody all over ... Hagrid came and I just ... I knew, I-" his voice turned acid, " I KNEW what that little, lying son-of-a-BITCH did!"

Every muscle on Sirius's body, in his face was ridgid with RAGE, "HE WAS THE SPY! PETER! LITTLE PETER! HE TURNED THEM IN! I got there, to his house and he was ... that little FUCKER was packing his bag, and he saw me and fucking RAN so I chased him! I don't know how far, or how LONG, but I wasn't going to let him GET AWAY WITH IT! We ... ended up in a crowd, muggles, and I raised my wand to STUN him senseless-" he raised a hand, "but NOT to kill him! He didn't DESERVE to die when they did! I raised my wand and - he ... cursed himself." Sirius's face showed all the confusion he'd felt that day, "He ... fucking cut off his own finger. It fell and I just ... I ... what the fuck? Then-" Sirius swallowed and took a step forward, eyes burning with tears, red and grey. "He ... smiled. He smiled at me, and screamed 'Sirius, No!' and then I was blown back. People were down everywhere, it was like the street just blew up. I was on the ground, behind something but I opened my eyes again and in the smoke and the screaming, Peter changed." He looked evenly at Remus. "And escaped down the sewer grate, missing a toe."

Remus looked to Severus again, shaken. He had grown to count upon the death eater, the only person he had left from the old days, the only person he had left that resembled a friend.  
  
"I believe him Remus." Severus whispered, assured.

Remus swallowed several times, looking white as ever, he opened his mouth to speak, but promptly bent over and threw up on Severus's floor.  
  
Severus in turn held Remus's arm as his body lurched, rubbing his back, "Breathe- breathe Remus-" he said softly.  
  
It took a while before Remus could comply. Breathing in, Remus's eyes watered, "I- I-" he stuttered.

Sirius had to slouch against the wall, exhausted again. "I'm sorry ... Remus. I was just ... thrown in there, and it was too late to ... even ... hint." He sank to the floor slowly, leaning back, just breathing.

Remus's eyes watered over, blinding him, "I believe you Sirius- Merlin knows- gods- I have missed you- I believe you-"

Sirius smiled a little, white-lipped, "That is the worst ... fucking ... sweater vest in the free world."

Severus helped Remus into a chair. "Thanks?" He whimpered.  
  
Severus obliterated the vomit upon his floor and then crossed over to Sirius, kneeling down, "Are you alright?"

"Just tired ... and in a sheet."

Severus nodded, and placed his own wand into Sirius's hands, forcing his fingers to grasp it, "I'll be right back with your clothes." He promised.

Sirius just put the wand down beside him, knowing he wouldn't need it against Remus. He looked at the werewolf, really looked at him for the first time in over a decade.

Severus had already gone into the next room to get Sirius clothes. While Remus just sat in the chair, all three men of the house broken in their own way.

"So ..."  
  
"I suppose you heard me then."

"Yes. You would be the sole outraged mourner at my pretend funeral here."

"I've ... missed you Sirius- greatly."

Sirius looked at Remus, "Yeah, I ... missed you too. Missed ... showers, the sun ... you know ... life." He tried to joke.

Though Severus had clothes in hand, he waited in the archway, letting the two speak uninterrupted for a moment. Silent, watchful as ever.

"So ... librarian? Crazy cat lady?"

Since his work with the order, Remus would say he missed those exact same things as well. "Sirius-" he laughed a little, "no. I work for Dumbledore. I work for the Order of the Phoenix."

"Oh. How's the furry little problem?"

"Still furry. But-" Remus caught Severus's eye, "not as much a problem as it used to be."  
  
Severus inclined his head, and entered, offering Sirius his clothes, and a hand to help him stand once more.

Sirius took his hand and stood, "Thanks ... and-" he took the clothes, covering his bare, thin chest with them, "What exactly was that exchanged look for? You know, since I have a tendency to say embarrassing things out loud when in company."

Severus smiled, and willingly explained, "I brew a potion for Remus that allows him to keep his human mind during his transformations."  
  
"Of which I am forever indebted Severus."

Sirius looked back at Remus, "Ah, well ... guess I'm not needed anymore, I'll head back to prison." He walked into the bathroom and shut the door, "After getting dressed-"

Remus stood, and began to cross the room, but Severus stopped him, "He was joking Remus."

Remus blinked, then his hands fixed the distressed collar of Severus's shirt that he had taken such a violent hold upon, "I'm sorry Severus- you know I-"  
  
"Quite understandable." Severus moved into the kitchen to boil water.

Sirius changed, making sure not to look in the mirror. _Not quite ready for that. Not by a long shot_. He splashed some cold water on his face after he dressed, and walked back out, feeling a little better, not so exposed. "Have you two already made up? Good. I'm starving."

"Sirius-" Remus reached a hand for him for an instant, but let it collapse back against his chest, hugging himself, "may I?"

Sirius smirked a little, "May you?" He was going to make Remus _say_ it.

"Please Sirius-" Remus swallowed, shaken still, it would remain unreal until he could touch Sirius again, "may I touch you."

It was easier to be well around Remus, he knew how to be Sirius, the real Sirius around him. "Okay ..." he said softly, "But if you break me, you've bought me."

"Agreed." Remus smiled, moving closer, hugging Sirius, smelling him deeply, almost laughing at the shock.

Sirius grinned and hugged Remus back, tightly. "Mmm, hi."

"Hi-" Remus smiled against Sirius's neck, arms wrapped around him familiarly.   
  
Water at a boil, Severus poured three cups of tea and carried them out on a platter. Then paused, he had forgotten that he no longer had a coffee table, and sighed. He charmed the tea cups to hover and fly over to both Remus and Sirius before abandoning the tray and taking up his own cup of tea. For a moment Severus watched the two men, and was not jealous. As, in a way he knew that as Sirius got stronger, more himself, his tastes would become refined again, and he would likely return to Remus.

Remus smelled familiar, like home, _like ... Remus_. Sirius's arms tightened and he smiled. "Gods, I missed you," he murmured, not wanting to let go. He KNEW this, he KNEW Remus's body, the way he moved, what he was probably going to say next ... it was exactly, exactly, exactly what he wanted to go back to for twelve years.

Remus sighed, broken, "How I love you Sirius-"

Sirius laughed a little in his loud, bark-like way and snuggled his face against Remus's shoulder, "Love you too."  
  
Severus sipped his tea, while the other tea cups waited patiently to be taken up by their owners. 

Sirius smiled, pulling away first, and smooching Remus's forehead loudly. "I smell tea ... can you BELIEVE I'm excited about TEA!?" He grinned and took his teacup, smiling thank you at Severus.

Remus took up his own as well, looking at Sirius over the top of the cup as he drank, slinking down into one of the chairs, unable to depend upon his legs for much longer.  
  
Severus remained standing. There were two chairs, and the people who needed them the most got to use them.

Sirius, however, in his usual impromptu fashion, just sat on the floor, cross legged, back leaning against the wall as he drank.

"Have any biscuits Severus?" Remus asked hopefully.  
  
"No."  
  
"None at all?"  
  
"No Remus, I don't."

 

*                    *                    *

 

Sirius had moved to the mattress, as his ass, he'd declared, was 'a bony disaster' and he needed a 'strap on ass' ... but decided a mattress would be just fine.

Remus was torn between what was polite and what he wanted. He wanted to be with Sirius, he wanted to take him home with him. But to ask him to come away with him would be impolite, and to stay, uninvited, even worse.

Sirius wasn't unaware of the tension in the room, and had kept it at bay with his almost super-natural ability to talk for hours on end without a reply from anyone, but now, his head was spinning a little and he found himself leaning back on the pillows again.

Severus was tired of standing in his own house, "Remus-"  
  
"You're right, I should go." Remus stood.  
  
The death eater blinked, having not even been given the chance to Finnish his sentence, "You may stay, if you like." as Severus knew full well he did.

Remus looked to Sirius, "Would that be alright with you?"

Sirius smiled again, "Of course!" He was happy to have PEOPLE with him, people he knew, people he felt safe with ... but fatigue was starting to overwhelm him, as was hunger, but he'd long since become so used to that sensation that he just stopped being able to notice it's return. "So ..." he yawned, "Who gets to sleep on that very comfortable looking ... stove?"

Remus looked to Severus, and Severus stared right back, the exchange was, _it's your house - but you're the guest._

Sirius laid one of his arms over his stomach, his elbow dug into his hip bone almost painfully and he sighed, readjusting, "You know, one of you can always conjure something? stretch the mattress out a little?"

Remus changed the subject with a smile, bed arrangements making him nervous, then looking to Severus, "Don't suppose you have a shirt I could borrow? Perhaps a spare toothbrush?"  
  
"Yes Remus, you may search my closet for something that is to your liking. And- I'll find you a toothbrush." Severus turned and headed into the adjacent bathroom, bed arrangements making him equally as nervous.

"A hammock? I can honestly sleep on the floor, I'm used to it, you two can use the mattress."

Remus had slammed the closet door on his hand, "No-" he said quickly, then shook out his throbbing hand, then picked out one of Severus's many long sleeved shirts. He stood, facing Sirius, undoing his clothes and slipping the shirt on over his cracked and scared, but tightly muscled body.   
  
Severus returned victorious with a toothbrush and passed it to Remus as if they were in a relay. "I have not paid my heat bill in some time, it is bound to be turned off one of these nights, and it would be a shame for any of us to freeze to death in our sleep-" Severus suggested bravely, "perhaps, if everyone is agreeable, we all share the mattress." _For the sake of warmth, a common interest, of course._  
  
Sirius blinked and then made himself look away from Remus as he changed, "Fine with me ..." He looked at Severus again, a small, apologetic smile.

Severus turned to explore the remainder of his closet. _The bond between Sirius and Remus has made their suffering that much more cruel, this is no time to be greedy._  
  
Remus changed, and was brushing his teeth in the bathroom. Pleased. Almost like a child at his first sleep over. Actually, it was, his first sleep over.  
  
Severus moved flawlessly, his back to Sirius, his dress shirt off, long sleeved night shirt on.  
  
Sirius watched Severus, admiring him quietly. _Saved me._

Remus spat, rinsed and returned to the mattress on the floor, settling himself down, "Severus- you didn't answer before, where _are_ all your things?"  
  
Severus turned off the light and settled in as well, Sirius between them, "That's right. I didn't answer." And still wasn't.

Sirius corrected Remus cheerfully as he laid back, feeling like he was on a camp-out. "He's become a zen-master, Remus. You didn't know?" Sirius's hand went back and brushed Severus's hand soothingly.

Remus instinctively curled himself against Sirius, smiling.  
  
Severus held Sirius's hand, nothing more, but still, smiled.  
  
"Zen master?" Remus laughed, "It's funny you say that though Sirius, did you know he is the potions master at Hogwarts? Order of something and such ..."

Sirius gasped, "WHAT!?" He turned his head, " _You_ ... You're the new SILUGHORN!?"  
  
Severus said nothing to this, so Remus continued.  
  
"Worse. He's also the head of house for Slytherin."

Sirius groaned but laughed, "Oh ... oh that's ... oh, gods. Could any of us have EVER imagined THIS in seventh year? I'm an escaped "dead" convict, Remus is a war-hero or something, and Severus is almost the bloody headmaster?"

Severus smiled, squeezing Sirius's hand.  
  
None in the bed could have imagined, and yet the general feeling was, it wasn't so bad - in a strange sort of way - it worked itself out.  
  
"Not only that-" Remus began.  
  
"Good night Remus." Severus warned, albeit in the friendliest tone he could manage. 

"... but? But what?" Sirius prompted.

Remus considered, then no, he would not betray Severus like that; he, who had been friend and confidant over these lonely years, "Sorry- suppose- I suppose there is time for such things in the morning."

Sirius sighed, "You can't do that to me. Remus, what?"

"Sorry- no. Honestly, I shouldn't have brought it up." Remus pressed his face against Sirius's shoulder, smelling him, cuddling up against him, "It's for Severus to say."

"Fine," Sirius sighed, "Severus, what is it?"

Severus hesitated, "I'll tell you the morning Sirius, if you still find yourself curious."

"I'm crazy and skinny, not a child."

"And I rather not talk about this now."

Sirius rolled his eyes and sighed, "Whatever." It bothered him, what was so bad that Severus was afraid Sirius would run from in the middle of the night? He sunk down against the mattress, his free arm looping around Remus lightly.

Severus let go of Sirius's hand and rolled over on his side, "Good night."  
  
Remus was however unconcerned and wrapped a hand over Sirius's chest, "Night."

Sirius felt his his skin actually chill a little. Severus, the man who confessed to loving him, who risked his own life and limb to save Sirius from a fate worse than death when no one had ever actually tried before ... just turned his back because he didn't want to discuss something until morning? A little desperate lurch in his chest made him swallow and guilt sank in, dark thoughts starting to knit together in his mind as he lay there between the two men.

 

*                    *                    *

 

By the time the morning sun light hit the bedroom, Severus was already up and out of bed, in the kitchen, scrambling eggs and making toast for all three of them.

Remus on the other hand was pleasantly sedated against Sirius, clinging to him.

Sirius was pretending to sleep, hoping his body would fall for it. No such luck. 

Severus continued to move around in the kitchen. He was going to lose Sirius. Not just a little, day by day to Remus. No, he was going to lose him altogether.

Finally, his joints couldn't stand it anymore and Sirius had to move. Very, very carefully, he tried to slip out of Remus's arms.

Remus just groaned in his sleep, hair messed against the pillows.

Sirius smiled at him a little and stood slowly, painfully. He was still in his clothes from the day before, and he walked to the kitchen, leaning against the counter with crossed arms, keeping his voice down. "Morning."

Severus paused in his work, "Morning." He offered Sirius a smile, private and sincere. "Eggs? Toast? Bacon?"

"All of the above would be fabulous ..." Sirius smiled a little, looking even more drained and fragile than the night before.

Severus loaded up a plate of food for Sirius, and placed it on the kitchen table with a fork. He went into the living room and retrieve one of the two chairs and brought it back to Sirius to sit in. "I don't have any coffee, but orange juice, if you like."

"Trust me, I've ... dreamed about orange juice." Sirius picked up his fork, watching Severus, "Are you going to eat?"

"Yes, I'll join you in a moment." Severus picked out a clean glass and poured orange juice into it, placing it on the table before Sirius.

Sirius watched Remus sleeping as he ate, smiling a little. _Furry little problem_.

Systematically, Severus scooped two servings of eggs onto his plate, two pieces of toast, and two slices of bacon. Then a glass of juice for himself before putting it down on the table. Again he retreated to the next room and got the other chair. Setting it down, Severus sat and ate breakfast with Sirius.

Sirius drank half of his orange juice with a hum, in one long drink. After swallowing with a little purr, he sighed, "I'm guessing that this is something I don't actually want to know."

A heaviness centered in Severus's chest, "You have the right to a world without deception, to truth. That said, I will never lie to you Sirius." Coming from the man who was often blunt, to the social unease of his peers.

"Then just ... don't tell me."

Severus struggled, which he hated, but he nodded and ate his eggs.

"I am actually fairly pissed off at you." Only Sirius could manage that at the breakfast table and sound matter of fact about it.

Severus put down his fork and looked to Sirius directly, steady and unwavering, "Care to tell me why."

Sirius looked back with bloodshot eyes, "Are you kidding? Plants have wilted at less."

Severus closed his eyes, remembering back to the night before, playing it over until he saw, _I turned my back._ He opened his eyes.

Sirius was looking at a spot on the wall, steadily, almost in a world of his own.

And yet Severus said nothing, _I do not wish to apologize for protecting himself._

Sirius stayed silent, not pouting, just ... silent. Disappointed.

Severus no longer had the stomach for eating, not that he had much to begin with.

Sirius, having finished his breakfast and orange juice stood, carrying his plate and glass back to the sink and rinsed them under warm water, in the same sort of detached, dream like state.

Severus watched Remus sleep, assuming that he found rest as nothing plagued his mind. Finally, the tightness in his chest built until the only way to drain that pain was to speak, "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be." The Sirius cleaned the dishes the muggle way, slowly, remembering how it worked, watching his hands pop tiny iridescent bubbles. _I did this in my flat. My old flat._

For all his desperation to not be alone, Severus simply wanted to cry, and assuredly didn't want anyone to see him at it. He stood, pushing back his chair, "I'm going out back for a smoke." Severus reached into the cookie jar and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a matchbook, only three left anyway.

"It's your place." Sirius sighed, "Severus, I ..." He shut off the water, "I should make it up to you somehow, I don't know how, I just ... pissed you off, and now I don't know what the hell to do. I owe you my life, so what bloody right do I have to your secrets and to ... your ... huffy shoulder turning? If you want me to leave, I will, it's no problem."

Severus took it one problem at a time, "I'm going out back because Remus doesn't like the smell, he'll yell at me if he catches me smoking, he thinks I quit." he sighed, "Secondly, you owe me nothing Sirius. Understand? Nothing. I don't want you to ever feel like you have an obligation to me. Ever." He put his hand on the door knob, turned and opened it, the morning air was fresh, crisp.

Sirius just nodded, looking away.

"Come out with me Sirius? Come out and get some fresh air."

Sirius paused for a moment, "Alright-" and walked quietly to the door, hesitating before he stepped outside. "I didn't know you were such close friends."

Severus closed the door, and lit up downwind of Sirius. "We weren't." He took a drag, "But after the first year- that was the hardest- then ... I don't know how it started- but we didn't feel so alone when we were together- with someone who seemed to know what the other was going through."

Sirius looked at him, "And ... "

Severus took another drag, "We both-" a bird taking flight caught Severus's trained eye for movement, "we-" he tried to continue.

Sirius mouth shifted to the side, cynically as he waited, sensing ... "Right. I think the word you're looking for is fucked."

"Excuse me?"

Sirius voice was cold, "Well? Is that it?"

Severus unset his jaw, "No Sirius. That's not it at all."

"Is that why you came to get me? To ... complete a collection-" Sirius swallowed, feeling cold. _Holy shit, I really have just lost my fucking mind. I'm ... paranoid._

Severus's face turned sour, he stomped out his cigarette.

"I'm sorry," Sirius breathed. "I don't know where ... I'm sorry, it just came out." He'd heard that phrase before, _to complete my collection_. It had been laced with the dark times, carried by vicious black birds of prey in his head.

It took some time for Severus to tame his anger, even disgust that Sirius would see him like that. _Merlin, give me strength, please ..._ he could feel his face warm, he could not deny his tears for much longer.

Sirius touched his shoulder, speaking quietly, "I'm sorry, that wasn't ... you, that ... I just hear it in my head and then I said it ..." He added, almost to himself, "I don't know where I heard it before ... "

"I can guess for you." Severus voice broke, "Then again, you might not want to know."

"Where?" Sirius sighed and hugged Severus.

"I know of individuals, one in particular who took a great interest in collecting things that are rare, highly prized, even to the extent of collecting people."  
  
Sirius swallowed, "Okay, okay ... then ... I don't think I want to know, I just don't want to ..." he laughed nervously, "Are you okay?"

"Yes Sirius, are you?" He finally hugged Sirius back.

Sirius laughed again, "Well, no." The pureblood leaned against Severus's body, eyes closed.

Severus petted his fingers through the length of Sirius's hair, Sirius didn't seem to want to know these dark things, not now anyway, but if he did, ever, at any point, Severus would, as he promised, tell of them without lie.

Sirius's eyes started to close and his body slackened a little, "Sorry ... tired again."

"It's alright," Severus wrapped his arm around Sirius's back, leading them to the back door once more.

Sirius walked with him, completely and utterly drained again. It was frustrating, but he was too tired to let himself be angry about it.

Remus was still dead asleep, sprawled in the bed. Severus laid Sirius back down, kneeling next to him.

Sirius looked up at him, fighting to keep his eyes open for longer than a second at a time.

Severus kissed the side of Sirius's face, "It's alright, just sleep."

Like magic, Sirius's eyes closed, and he was slumbering between Severus who kneeled over him and Remus, who had held him all night.  
  
"You were smoking." Remus mumbled to Severus, though his eyes were closed and head tucked against Sirius's chest.

Sirius curled closer to Remus in his sleep, nose in his silver and caramel colored hair.

"Just one." Severus confessed.   
  
"Hmmm-" Remus hummed in disappointment, "Did he ask you?"  
  
"No. He doesn't want to know."  
  
"Alright. I'm sorry- I'm sorry I brought it up."  
  
Severus lowered himself down on the bed once more, this time laying sideways, facing Sirius, wrapping his arm around the man as well. His bed was an entanglement of arms and legs and warm bodies.

 


	4. Chapter 4

It had taken a great deal of effort, for Severus to beat back his own pride. He had asked Remus for help. But only a little. Just a few galleons to get them all fed for the rest of the week. He was currently out grocery shopping, and left Remus and Sirius home alone.

Sirius was sleeping, again, curled up in blankets on the mattress. He felt better with Remus here, knowing now that Remus believed him, that he wasn't hated, that he wasn't left alone anymore. He stretched a little and sighed, opening his gray eyes a little. "Mmm."

Remus was awake, and had been for some time since his conversation with Severus. His thumb was petting Sirius's shoulder, "Sleep alright?"

Sirius smiled a little, "Yeah ... I feel like I'm constantly-" his neck cracked, "waking up these days."

"You need the rest, it's alright." Remus sighed.

"Did you sleep?"

"You mean last night? Yeah, like a log." Remus smiled, "It's a little after three in the afternoon now."

Sirius smiled, he had a little more color in his face this morning, "Gods, I forgot all about the day having actual hours and minutes. Ah well, I think I remember sleeping in until 3 a lot."

"I think Severus said that there were some crackers and cheese if you are hungry. He's out right now, shopping for groceries."  
  
"Maybe later ... I had a huge breakfast a little while ago ... I think." Sirius rubbed his face and cracked his neck again, looking at Remus. "How long have you been up?"

Remus shrugged, "A few hours. Severus doesn't seem to believe in clocks or time either."  
  
Sirius smiled a little, softly, "So how do you know it's after 3?"  
  
Remus laughed a little, "The muggle school buses drove by not long ago. School is out for the local kids, which means it's after three."

"Ahhh ... you were always the brains of the operation." Sirius moved a little closer, face against Remus's chest.  
  
Remus hugged Sirius with one arm, he began slowly, "I know that no real arrangements have been made, so I want you to consider if you'd like me to stay here with you or if-" Remus shrugged, "you want something else."

Sirius sighed softly, his breath warming Remus's chest a little. "I honestly, don't know right now. I mean, I thought Severus wanted me to leave, but he says he doesn't-"

Remus laughed a little, "It's unfair to you, I'm sure. As we will both want as much as you as possible. That is why Severus and I spoke earlier today, and said that whenever I was in town, it was alright with him if I just stayed here, if, on the condition, that you would want that. And again, under the assumption that you wanted to stay in the first place."

Sirius looked up, surprised, "Where do you usually live?"

"When in town, when I'm not working, just a hotel or some similar short term arrangement. But when I'm away, on assignment ... wherever that takes me."

"Remus ... you're a rich man, you know."

Remus laughed outright, "Oh yeah, that's me."

Sirius shook his head and didn't laugh, touching Remus on the face to make him listen, "Remus. Disowned or not ... I was the lone surviving heir to the Black fortune."

Remus sobered, wondering what Sirius was getting at, he's no Black, what did that fortune have to do with him?

Sirius continued, surprised that Remus didn't understand what he meant by now, "Remus, I left it all to you."

Shock. Pure and complete shock left the werewolf speechless.

Sirius shook Remus very gently, "Remus?"

Remus laughed weekly, "Joking. Right. Funny. Hahah."

Sirius took both of Remus's hands in his own, looking right at him with supreme clarity. "The last time I did my will was before I was disowned, I'd just turned sixteen. I signed it over to you."

Remus didn't mean for it to sounds rude, he was just, surprised, "Why ...? Me?"

Sirius swallowed and smiled a little, "Why you? Well, James was the only son of the Potters ... Peter was ..." he frowned a little, "annoying the shit out of me by then, and you were-" Sirius licked his lips, "I think the letter I left in the vault explains everything, actually."

"There's a letter?" Remus looked excited by this idea, of Sirius Black, known for dealing with serious issues with humor, rather than something as ‘formal' as a letter; this peeked his attention now moreso than any promise of worldly wealth

Sirius actually blushed and rolled his eyes, "Yes. I wrote you a letter. Wheee. Ink and parchment and everything, you big girl."

Remus however just smiled. "Thank you Sirius. Though, I mean ... it's yours of course- I'm sure you'll be needing it, to start your life over and ... everything."

Sirius shrugged, "I will, yeah, but ... " he blushed again, hating to discuss money, muttering under his breath, "It's ... enough so that you won't even miss that amount." Sirius cleared his throat. "What I _do_ want to do with it, though, is maybe to find some nice ... big house somewhere. Some place that you can change and do whatever you want and not have to worry about anything or anyone ... all I really ask for is that I can stay there too ... and Severus can until he's doing alright again, that's all, really."

The idea intrigued Remus. It was almost as though Sirius were hinting at something else, a little deeper, but the werewolf didn't want to let that fantasy play out, not yet. "That's a beautiful thought Sirius." he smiled.

Sirius smiled, his ashen face lighting up a little, "Well ... not all three of us there permanently or anything, I just-" he took a breath, confessing with closed eyes against Remus's shoulder, "need all the help I can get right now. Dunno if you noticed, I'm sort of a mess."

Remus returned to rubbing Sirius on the back, "I don't know how you and Severus ever-" he shifted that train of thought, "I think it's obvious Sirius, we'll both support you, 'til our dying breath."

Sirius laid against Remus with a deep, deep sigh. "I won't always be this weak."

"I'm not talking about just that sort of support Sirius- I mean, in all aspects of life."

Sirius nodded, his voice lower, softer, just for Remus's ear, "I need ... life around me again."

Remus turned his head and smiled, kissing Sirius on the forehead for a moment.

Sirius smiled softly and hugged Remus, just breathing against him. "Thank you-" he whispered.

 

*                    *                    *

 

Severus was unpacking his belongings in his room, on the first floor on the east side of the house. While Remus kept rushing up and down the stairs putting things in their rightful place as needed. He _loved_ his house. He loved that he _had_ a house, to call his own.

It was an old wizarding vineyard, a maze of grapevines grew around the very large acreage, the vines grew thick over stone walls and through dense, twenty foot high hedges that defined Remus's land (Sirius loved hearing that), and enclosed the large, diversely forested yards, rolling over smooth hills with the large, old fashioned house in the middle. Sirius knew Remus would take it when he mentioned the word _library_.

Sirius was in the kitchen, unpacking a box labeled, "teacups, spoons, jars, etc" and putting everything in various whitewashed cupboards, stopping once in a while to breathe and take in the wide, sunny windows.

Severus had invested his spare money in a desk, rather than a bed. He needed a desk moreso that pieces of wood to hold his mattress off the floor. Satisfied that he was done, rather early in the day, he walked into the kitchen to see Sirius, "How's it coming here then?"

Sirius turned just as he was putting a teacup into a cabinet, "Well, I think between you and Remus, we're going to have enough teacups to damn the Thames with." Sirius had regained a little strength and a little color, he could walk now, without faltering and the dark circles around his eyes seemed to dissipate a little bit.

Severus smiled a little, then listened carefully to hear where in the house Remus was. _Upstairs, library. Of course_. He walked over to his secret cookie jar and took out his pack of cigarettes and a matchbook, "I'm going out back for a bit, I'll help you here in the kitchen when I get back if you like."  
  
Sirius smiled, leaning his hip against the counter, "When did you start smoking, anyway?"

"When I first started working at Hogwarts. Bloody brats drive me mad sometimes. So it was between these-" Severus held up a cigarette, "or drinking. I choose these."  
  
Sirius laughed, "Mmm, I used to smoke like a chimney." He shrugged, "There. One good thing about Azkaban. I stopped smoking ..." nevertheless, he eyed the cigarette in Severus's fingers.

Severus twisted the cancer stick between his fingers, "If the smell bothers you, I'll stop."

"No ... it doesn't ... bother me ...." Sirius licked his lips with a smirk, "Technically, I'm already dead ..."

And yet Severus frowned, "Not to me you aren't." he could see the desire in Sirius, "You are welcome to one if you like. But I'd like to say- you've kicked the habit already, might as well stay clean."

Sirius laughed and opened the back door, "It's not the cigarettes I'm afraid of, it's Conan the Librarian up there!" He stepped outside, grinning like a teenager.

Severus headed out back with Sirius and lit up one, again downwind of Sirius.

Sirius licked his lips and smiled through his hair at Severus, nodding with his chin at the pack just as he might have if he had approached another boy back at Hogwart's, "Hey, can I steal one of those?"

Severus held it out for Sirius, "Yes, I already said you could-"

"Smoker's code of honor. Always ask." Sirius took the cigarette and paused, holding it between his fingers before he took a drag. His cheeks hollowed and he closed his eyes with an outright moan.

"Code of honor? I must have missed that." Severus blinked, realizing what he just said, and pretended he had said nothing at all.

Sirius exhaled smoke with a deeply satisfied sound, "What?"

"Nevermind" Severus took another drag, "Remus is never going to forgive me that I got you hooked again."

Sirius shrugged, "No, you said something ... you must have missed that ..."

"Honor." Severus simply provided, he must have missed learning about honor at some point in his life.

Sirius turned the cigarette, offering it to Severus's lips, his fingers only half an inch up the slim barrel of the paper tube. "Let me guess ... it has to do with that thing I'd rather pretend I know nothing about?"  
  
Severus took another drag and passed it back, for onceSeverus's body language betrayed him, _yes of course._

Sirius took another pull off of the cigarette and let out a long breath of smoke from his lips, nodding a little. "You still don't want to tell me?"

"No, I'll tell you Sirius." Severus winced a little, "As I said, all you have to do is ask, if you really want to know."

Sirius smoked again and then looked to Severus, lifting the cigarette to Severus's lips with his own fingers so that when Severus took a drag, his lips would brush Sirius's hand a little. "Tell me."

Severus's lips trembled for a moment, he took one final drag, avoiding the habit of crossing his arms over his chest, he simply tucked his hands into his pockets. His voice dripped with shame as he got right to it, not beating around the bush, "When you knew me Sirius, I mean, when we were just starting to get to know each other better, I had already been a death eater for three years."  
  
Sirius stopped moving and the color he'd regained left him again, "You're ... you were a ..."

"Yes." Severus said darkly, then explained further, "until I turned spy for Dumbledore."

Sirius let the cigarette turn to ash in his fingers, "Oh ..." They'd all just imagined Snape had buried himself in work at some school or something, but _... wow_. "So ... are you still ..."

Severus the mirrorless, rolled up the sleeve on his left arm, and looked away while he bestowed the evidence upon him that he so loathed. He was counting to ten, wagering on how long it would take for Sirius to lash out.

"Why? If you were one of them, why did you turn back?" Sirius's voice was soft and almost sounded lost in the outside air.

Severus did not look back until his arm was covered again, only then did he painfully meet Sirius's gaze, "Many, reasons." _Of which you were one_.

Sirius stepped forward suddenly and leaned into Severus, face against his neck, taking his marked arm and winding it around his own waist. "Why did you change? What saved you?" _And why didn't my brother live through his?_

Severus almost broke. Just, into a pile of flesh and bone, broken. He remembered, the days when his father didn't beat him, those where the truly scary days, those were the days he might cry in his closet, because it was the upset from the norm. Similarly, to have Sirius draw close, rather than recoil was exceedingly confusing to Severus. And yet? And yet he held Sirius, so gently, much like the precious, one of a kind, and entirely breakable individual he was. "..." _Words Severus, speak words._  
  
Sirius snuggled their faces together, "No one ... just walks away from Voldemort ... how? How did you?"

"I haven't. That is ... he believed me still faithful- he believed me his most entrusted."  
  
"Oh gods ..." Sirius hugged Severus close, hands rubbing the strong lines of Severus's back. "You're ..." he swallowed, eyes closed, "so ... completely insane ..." _And brave_. Sirius turned his head a little and kissed Severus on the cheek.

Severus breathed out sharply, between a scoff and a laugh. Maybe that's what it took to be one of the greatest wizards, "If you want to talk insane, you should listen to Dumbledore talk about socks."

Sirius smiled before he pulled back. "I think kissing you that night was ... one of the smartest things I've ever done."

Severus's smile spoke of his agreement, but was already mourning Sirius's loss- Remus was the Order poster child, he was the good man through and through. He is courage, he is honor. He is what Sirius would surely choose.

Sirius just rested their foreheads together for a moment, "Back inside?"

Severus nodded slowly, and took out a pack of mints from his pocket, he put one in his mouth, then offered to Sirius, "Sometimes he can be tricked." _He_ , being Remus and his sensitivity to sensations.

Sirius smiled and opened his mouth for a mint.

Severus took one into his fingers and offered it up to Sirius's tongue as if it were some sort of religious practice.

Sirius took it with his tongue, teeth and lips, closing his mouth with a hum as he sucked at it slowly. "Thank you."

Severus was secretly rebuilding himself, even though he looked and acted the same as always, "Thank you, Sirius." _For accepting this. Me._

Sirius was still for a moment, fighting himself. "Mmmhmm." He nodded and brushed Severus's hand with his own as he pulled away, exhausted, and walked back to the house.

 

*                    *                    *

 

Sirius was presently napping on the large, butter-colored couch in the middle of the many-windowed house in the country. It wasn't by error that every room in the house was full of windows, and that there were minimal walls between rooms, the kitchen flowed into the living room, flowed into the library ... Sirius hated walls.

Remus and Severus were down stairs in the kitchen. Remus was leaning against the countertop, eating a pear while he explained to Severus when he might be away. It was not an uncommon conversation for the two to have, as friends. But it was this friendship, Severus felt, was dwindling since Sirius had return. He had been a poor substitute for the last surviving marauder. But now that he knew he was not alone, now that he had Sirius again, Severus's role as friend was returning back to Sirius, where it belonged, apparently.

Sirius yawned and shifted on the couch, listening for a moment before he got up and walked to the wide staircase. His still slight weight barely registered on the old wooden floors of the house and so he moved soundlessly in sock-covered feet, like a cat.

In mid conversation.  
  
"... I can pay you back the loan you gave me by the end of the month." Severus said, quickly as if that would make him less ashamed.  
  
"Don't worry about it. Take your time."  
  
"No. I don't want any debts."

Sirius listened. He wasn't eavesdropping, he just loved to hear the sound of ... normal human life again, two men talking about a loan in a kitchen. _Beautiful_. He could hear a teaspoon on a counter, a kettle starting to heat on the stove.

"When does term begin for you?"  
  
"Two months."  
  
"Still enjoying it?"  
  
"Well enough."  
  
Pause. "Yeah."  
  
"Remus, there is no reason why you shouldn't apply."  
  
"Really? I can think of one."  
  
"I'm not having this argument with you again."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Tea?"  
  
"Please."  
  
Sirius walked in with a stretch, "Morning, again."

Severus looked up from pouring tea for the two of them.  
  
"Nice nap Sirius?" Remus asked, throwing away the core of his pear.

Sirius was still painfully thin, but his movements weren't so stiff anymore and he began to regain the easy grace that he never before cared about possessing. Sirius sat on the edge of the dark wooden kitchen table with a sigh, "Mmmhmmm ... great, I feel sort of like a toddler with all these naps."

Severus passed Remus his tea, then offered Sirius cookies from a box that they were currently sharing.  
  
"You must still need it." Remus said, eating a double chocolate chip cookie.

Sirius took the entire box, nodding as he started to eat them, "Still, I feel like I should be wearing those footy-pajamas, you know?"

Remus grinned playfully, "I'm sure that could be arranged."  
  
"Oh yeah?"

"Well, if you want."

"Sure," he devoured another cookie and swallowed, "But I demand story time too."

"Hahaha-" Remus laughed, "that can be arranged."

Sirius looked at Severus, "With voices?"

Severus had been keeping himself out of the conversation, always feeling like the third wheel. He looked up when addressed, "Me? No- we'll leave story time to Lupin, thank you."

Sirius sighed, "Speaking of beds and footy pjs and things like that, is all the furniture moved in?" He passed the box of cookies back to Remus.

"Yeah." Remus smiled, taking up the box and eating another.

Sirius nodded, "What still needs unpacking?"

"Nothing really, though- I've got some boxes of clothes you might want to look through, see if there is anything that you want to keep before I donate the rest."

"I never, ever imagined I'd say this but Remus, your clothes are too big for me."

"We'll just have you get you some new ones then." Remus put the cookies down on the countertop and drank his tea.

Sirius thought about this for a moment, "London isn't far ... "

Remus paused, "You feel well enough to go out?"

Sirius nodded, "I feel great, besides, I'm not going to get any bloody stronger if I just sit around on my ass all day." He took the cookie box again, fishing another cookie out and offering it to Severus.

Severus offered a hint of a smile, "Thanks-" he said in a hushed voice, eating, honestly starving.

Sirius looked after Severus for a moment, "Actually, we should all go, maybe eat out somewhere."

"Well- whenever you like Sirius. I'm happy to go with you, you know that." Remus said, then looked to Severus, "Feel like an outing?"  
  
Severus knew he couldn't pay his way, his fair share, "No- that's alright. You two have a nice time- I'm going to work on drawing up lesson plans for the start of term."  
  
"How could I guess. Severus, you have two months, count them. TWO before term. Come on."

"Sev ..." Sirius slid off of the kitchen table, "come on, what, we're not cool enough for you to hang out with?" He smiled a little.

 _I have no excuse_. Severus swallowed, "Alright- alright. Just ... need to change." Severus put his tea cup down and headed out of the kitchen to his room.

Sirius smiled and turned to Remus, triumphant. "Ha."

In his room, Severus was changing into his muggle clothes. He rubbed his dry, tired eyes. He hated money. He hated what it did to people, he hated that it was the driving force behind much of life. He hated that he could no longer manage it. He hated that he had to ask for help. He hated depending on others. He hated feeling like a failure. He had overdrawn five galleons and every day since then he was being charge double. 10. 20. 40. 80. 160. He was up to 160 already. He couldn't do this, not one more day. At this rate, he'd end up owning his entire annual salary before term even started. Severus had already given up smoking. That was the first thing to go. Next was eating. One meal a day, that's all he could afford.  
  
Sirius had followed him, knocking on the door quietly, "Sev?"

Severus shook his hair back from out of the collar of his shirt, "You can come in."

Sirius walked in, and stopped. "Wow ... " A little chill traveled over him.

Severus looked to either side of him, what was Sirius wowing out? His personal library? His lack of furniture? Him?

"Never seen you dress like a muggle."

"Oh." Severus offered a hint of a smile, "Yes well, when in Rome-"

"Right ..." Sirius licked his lips and continued, "Sev, you know you're ... basically rich now, right?"

"Remus is."  
  
Sirius sighed, "Oh you're going to be bloody stubborn. You saved my life."

"And I told you, you owe me nothing."

"Severus ... money is just ... it's money, I happened to have a lot, so what? The least I can do is make sure you don't have to worry about it again."

Severus breathed out very slowly to keep from becoming angry, "That's not your responsibility Sirius."

Sirius just sighed and paced a little, "Fine, fine, but can I buy you and Remus dinner?"

Severus put his empty wallet in his back pocket out of habit. "That would be nice. Thank you."

Sirius crossed his arms, "And I AM buying groceries for all of us, seeing as how I can't cook, it's only fair."

Severus had avoided eating Remus's food, it was his after all. Severus had only eaten what he had brought with him, but the prospect of _their_ groceries, _for the house_ , as something that was shared, it was baffling.

"Alright?"

"Yes, alright." Severus agreed reluctantly, his stomach overpowering his pride.  
  
Remus knocked on Severus's door, "What's going on, a party in here or what? Ready to go?"

"Coming!" Sirius rubbed Severus's shoulder and walked out to join Remus. "How are we getting there?"

"Called a cab, should be out front in a few."

 

*                    *                    *

 

Severus had just stepped out of the down stairs shower and wrapped himself in his robe while leaning over the sink, brushing his teeth.  
  
Remus on the other hand was up stairs in his room, organizing his closet by color.  
  
There was a voice and a too late knock on Remus's door, "Good gods ... by color? How many different names does the color brown have?" Sirius teased as he walked in.

Remus avoided rolling his eyes, "Look- it works for me." he smiled.

Sirius sat on the edge of Remus's bed, watching him, "Go on, don't let me stop your compulsive organizational habits."

"And so it won't." Remus smiled, not only organized by color, but by type within each color category; long sleeved before short sleeved. And pants in another section altogether. "Everything alright Sirius? Getting settled into your room well enough?" he asked while his head was still in the closet.

Sirius nodded, "Yeah ... " he swallowed, "I mean I'm not color coding anything yet ..." he scoffed, "if ever, but I'm alright in there."

Remus just smiled, and began to take off his shirt, as if they were simply in school again, when they always undressed in front of one another. "That's good."

Sirius swallowed, watching him. His back was almost blurred with scars now, much worse than he remembered. The pureblood chewed his lower lip not to say something, not to make a sympathetic noise and go over there and ... well. Sirius had returned that fateful Halloween, he'd stayed with Remus in Remus's flat and left much sooner than he meant to.

Remus slipped on another shirt to sleep in, dropping his pants and adjusting the elastic on his underwear before he pulled on pajama bottoms. Remus was no longer shy, he couldn't be to have survived all this time.

Sirius, however, looked away, wondering when Remus had lost all of his inhibitions that way, wondering _why ... with who ... another thing I don't want to know._  
  
Remus swallowed, "Did you- want to stay?" Remus pulled back the covers to his bed half way.

Sirius looked up, "Is that okay?"

Remus smiled, "Yeah. Yes it is."

There was no point trying to act like he was fine with Remus, Remus knew. _Of course he knew._ Sirius smiled a little, relieved, and slipped under the covers, shivering a little at the cool cotton against his skin. He was still dressed, wearing jeans (that actually fit ... almost) and a warm, bright blue sweater with a wide collar that let his tattoos show through. Sirius only bought it because it had built in thumbholes in the sleeves. "Thanks," he laughed, "thirty three and I start being afraid of the dark."

Remus curled into bed next to Sirius, "Want me to leave the light on then?"

Sirius rolled his eyes but sighed and muttered under his breath, "Yeah."  
  
Remus just smiled, and familiarly wrapped his arm over Sirius's side and pressed his hand against Sirius's stomach, "Night Sirius."

Sirius smiled a little, "Night, Remus." His stomach tightened a little.

Lights on or off, Remus had learned to sleep through just about anything. His face was pressed against the back of Sirius's neck, "I missed this." He said sleepily.

Sirius sighed deeply, trying to relax, "I missed you." He loved feeling Remus curled up like this, it was like having Moony curled up to him, large, strong limbs around him. Even dementors weren't eager to get close to a werewolf.

Sirius couldn't sleep. He stayed still, just breathing with Remus curled around him, and his eyes burned, but he couldn't make himself take the extra step and fall asleep.

Meanwhile, Severus was dressed, and after a good stretch, laid himself out on his mattress and under his covers, bringing a book just up to his face with a nearby light on as he read to dull his mind enough, tricking it into sleep. 

Remus pressed his lips against Sirius's spine with a slight groan, he was already out cold. Just as had been in his youth, no matter what excitement was taking place around them. If Remus was tired, he slept, even if only to be teased that he was a grandmother, calling it a night at 9pm.

Sirius felt his lips and his body stilled even further, his heart stopping. _Remus_. Sirius's hand covered Remus's on his own stomach, just holding it there. Remus was already heavily asleep, like any large predator who needed rest no matter where they were. Sirius imagined it took a lot of energy to be Remus, all of his self-editing, self-restraint ... and he closed his eyes beside the sleeping man. _So why aren't I sleeping yet?_

Remus gave a slight huff in his sleep, very Moony-esque, his arm tightened around Sirius, keeping what was his, close.

Sirius sighed, "Mmm." _Still not sleeping_. Very, very carefully, Sirius writhed just out of Remus's grasp and stood, looking at him for a moment before he left the room quietly. _He won't wake up._

Remus mourned the loss by rolling into the space that Sirius had occupied just moments before, whimpering for a moment, but still asleep.

The door to Severus's room, surprisingly, was unlocked. Sirius crept over to the bed and peered down into the absolute darkness, trying to see where Severus ended and the bed began.

Severus's voice came from the darkness, only moments before had he turned off his light and abandoned his reading, "It's alright Sirius, two more feet forward, you can join me."

Sirius gasped a little and smiled, "I thought you were sleeping." He moved closer, inching along, not trusting the dark at all, hands out.

Severus sat up, and his hand found Sirius's to guide him down, next to him, "Even if I were- doesn't matter. Are you alright? Can't you sleep?"

Sirius knelt and then laid down, bare toes finding the edge of the sheets and shivering as he slipped under the blankets, "I'm fine, completely fine ... no, I just can't sleep, but I'm fucking ... exhausted." He sighed, frustrated as he tried to figure out the sheets that he messed up. "Damn it ... now I'm tangled up ..."

Severus bent over and helped to free Sirius, it was a theme now, free Sirius. His hands pressed against Sirius' feet as he reworked the sheets before being able to cover the two of them once more, "There we are-"  
  
Sirius blushed in the dark, "I ... could have just ... figured them out, you know ..." _Warm hands ..._ Sirius's toes curled and he let out a long, long sigh.

Severus laid back squarely against the mattress once more. Because it wasn't his house, and he was still getting used to his room, it felt as though someone's parents were going to walk in on them at any time. "Would you like me to get you anything?"

Sirius shook his head, no and pulled his sweater off, putting it on the floor beside the bed as he laid down, facing Severus. "You don't mind if I undress, do you?" There was a slight tease to his voice, considering what they'd done before Remus had descended upon Severus's flat.

"I don't mind. Whatever makes you comfortable Sirius."

Sirius's body knew exactly what it needed that night, he stripped quickly and then curled closer to Severus, laying one hand on his chest. "Severus ..." His eyelids were heavy, as though coated with dust that weighed on them.

Severus moved his arm around behind Sirius's neck, hand resting against his back, fingering at the tips of his long hair.

A long, relaxed sigh echoed through the small bedroom and rain started to pat against the windowpane. "Perfect."

Severus was quite in agreement, as he hummed, kissing Sirius on the forehead.

Sirius felt himself being pulled under the surface of sleep, and tilted his face up a little, kissing Severus's lips once before he sighed and sank against him.

Severus continued to lightly touch Sirius on his bare back, finding his own version of comfort with the constant tapping of rain outside and the body next to him. No, not just a body, _Sirius._  There was something about the man, something that made allowances for Severus, for normal human behavior. Such as wanting, _liking_ , being touched, _wanting_ to carrying on a conversation, and, finding rest.

Sirius was fast, fearlessly asleep in the dark.


	5. Chapter 5

The post-Azkaban triangle was growing as the week went on. Severus didn't change. He had been kind to Remus before, during Sirius's incarceration, allowing him to come over to his place, sleep over (platonically) just to be with someone, who also understood his hurt and loneliness. Severus still understood Remus's hurt, or rather, need - he was still kind to the man. That was why, at 4am one night, when the werewolf knocked on his door, Severus answered it without surprise.

"Sorry to bother you Severus-" Remus looked exhausted.  
  
"Not a bother. What can I do for you Remus?"  
  
Remus hugged himself, "… just. Had a nightmare. Can I stay with you and Sirius tonight? I wouldn't normally ask, but."  
  
Severus opened the door, "I understand."  
  
Remus walked in, thankful.

Sirius was curled up, fast asleep in the middle of Severus's simple, almost spartan bed. He was wearing a sweater and pajama pants for warmth as his now thinner body had become more sensitive to the chill of night air, even when he slept in the hollow of the former Slytherin's arms and chest.

Severus waited for Remus to cross to one side of the bed before he closed the door, blocking out the hallway light. Remus smiled at Sirius, and looked up over dark circled eyes, "Thanks Severus." He whispered.  
  
Severus simply nodded and returned to his side of the bed. Both men slipping in under the covers, Sirius between them at the same time.  
  
Sirius gasped softly at the change and sat up in bed quickly, eyes panicked, "Sev-"

"Shhh- easy Sirius-" Severus placed a hand on Sirius's arm, stroking it, "I'm here, as is Remus."

Sirius looked at Remus, worried, "What's wrong? What's happening?" He assumed that Remus coming to Severus's bedroom in the middle of the night could only mean that something had happened.

"Nightmares." Remus said quietly, he put a hand on Sirius's hip as he laid on one side, "is this alright?" _That I'm here._

Sirius was already shaking like a kicked dog, and nodded, calming down quickly, "Yeah ... yeah, of course." He laid down again, closing his eyes, secretly comforted by the feeling of both men being in the room with him. Some fears never died.

Severus finally settled on his side as well, facing Sirius, their arms laying parallel, hands, just brushing. The three men cuddling up, more than just for the sake of warmth, but for comfort … and something a little more that maybe no one on the outside would ever understand.

Sirius smiled a little, breathing in the tension between all of them. "So ... how about that quittich team?"

Remus laughed. Severus was silent. The two men were both similar and different in their ways. Similar enough that Sirius would be drawn to both of them, different enough that Sirius could depend upon one for appreciating a good laugh, and the other getting right to the point of things. 

Sirius laced his fingers into Severus's hair, then touched his cheek softly as he looked at him, smiling a little, almost apologetic.

It was one of these similarities though that made nights like these interesting. Both men, within this safeguarded privacy, were openly affectionate with Sirius - knowing to be jealous (too much) would be unfair to the other. The logic was skewed but it worked for the most part. Severus kissed Sirius on the forehead, then his temple - while Remus wrapped his arm further around Sirius's stomach.

Sirius's eyes closed and he hummed warmly at the feeling of Remus's arm, letting his hand cover Remus's hand for a moment while Severus kissed his forehead. "I can't believe-" Sirius murmured with a cheeky grin, "I'm in bed with TWO prefects."

Swear to Merlin, Remus giggled, spooning Sirius from behind. Severus smirked, "Former prefects."

Sirius sounded mock outraged, grinning, "Even worse! You've both had years to perfect prefect-dom and now I'm trapped. Soon I'll start patrolling hallways looking for hooligans."

Severus just looked at Sirius, knowingly, _you don't seem to mind being trapped by us._

Sirius smirked back and batted his grey eyes teasingly, "Not that I'm complaining, apparently being compulsively law-abiding has made both of you into human furnaces ... which works out well for me."

Remus found the phrase 'law abiding' particularly humorous, fingers squeezing Sirius by the hand, "Oh" he gasped, "that's hilarious."  
  
Severus moved one hand up against Sirius's chest, yes, all three bodies would prove for a cozy night.  
  
Sirius laughed softly, squeezing Remus's hand back and shutting his eyes again with a sigh as Severus warmed the hollow of Sirius's chest with his palm. 

Three pairs of feet brushed up against one another under the covers. Remus's nails needed a trim, while Severus's were … manicured? Cut, and soft at least, how odd. The warmth, the safety was invincible. Severus kissed a soft, creamy expanse on Sirius's neck, heart racing a bit, not wanting to seem forward, too eager.

The pureblood's lips curled in a little smile. _What's the harm? Just a little kissing, Remus doesn't seem to notice_. He stroked his thumb over Remus's hand slowly and let out a long, breathy sigh.

Severus offered a small, but pure smile in the dark, made to look bigger in the shadows of the room. Remus hummed, pleased.

Sirius's eyes opened just in time to catch the rare smile, the way it looked exaggeratedly sinful on Severus's warm lips and then felt rather than heard Remus's hum. _This is ... nice ..._ Sirius laced his fingers with Remus against his stomach, letting the strong arm hold him tighter to Remus's thin, strong chest. _He wouldn't dare ..._ Sirius enjoyed Severus's smile in the dark, _in front of Remus?_ The affection starved fugitive waited for a tensing of Remus's arms or the sharp pull away of his grasp. _I ... guess ... if no one minds ... it's just kissing and hugging._  
  
There was something unspoken (as there often was) that was quite agreeable to all in the bed. As long as no personal boundaries were crossed, why not? It was slow, very slow in fact that almost none of the three men knew quite how it had started. But within the chime of the clock, a quarter after, Severus's ambition led his lips to cover Sirius's and Remus's courage led his hand roam down, over Sirius's stomach, cupping his sex, gently thumbing it over him through his pajama pants.

Sirius's eyebrows, black and still eerily perfect raised and he let out a long, slow moan at the twin sensations. He kissed Severus back, hesitantly at first, unsure, but then as Remus began to outline the shape of his (by now quite erect) cock through the thin pants, Sirius kissed Severus with fervor and his hips rolled against Remus's hand slowly.

A passionate challenge was set, making Sirius happy. Again, the similarities between Remus and Severus - strong, devoted, protective … dark, was what made it alright. Severus moved a hand up to cup Sirius on the face, purely sensual, unable to tear himself away. Remus kissed Sirius's back shoulder blade through his sweater, pressing his hips against Sirius's backside.

Sirius moaned, tipping his face up and his lips brushed Severus on the hand for a moment. "Oh ..." Remus pressed himself against his friend's ass, and made him gasp at the almost surreal hardness of him. Sirius pressed back a little, still rubbing against the werewolf's large, warm palm in front. The pureblood's thin but still elegant hand went to Severus's neck, trailing over the sensitive part of his ear before he cupped the back of the spy's head and began to kiss him passionately.

Severus moved his hand down Sirius's chest, then dipped under the hem of his shirt, skin against skin, it smoothed a path back up against Sirius's frame. Similarly, Remus's hand slipped under Sirius's pants, and with a growl of satisfaction he rolled Sirius's sex around in his hand.

Sirius gasped sharply and a full, aching moan spilled from his lips, against Severus's now dark and seductive mouth. Remus's fingers felt as good as they'd always looked as he took notes in class or composed a shopping list. Sirius swore that somehow, he had twenty of them and they were (thank MERLIN) everywhere on him.

The undeniable magnetism was growing, Severus snaked his arm around Sirius's side, hand locking against the pureblood's spine, caressing the abused, but strengthening muscles. 

Sirius's sweater rode up, revealing inch by inch of pale, smooth skin undamaged by sun for over a decade, preserved in an odd way, in the most punishing of places. "Severus ..." Sirius kissed him again, locking their lips together and twisting their tongues around each other in a hot, impulsive kiss.

Remus rolled his hips with Sirius, hand stroking Sirius by the length of his erection, freeing him of his pants the head of the pureblood's sex often brushing up against Severus's shirt covered stomach.  
  
It seemed Remus and Severus were determined to one-up each other at making Sirius groan and gasp, "Ohh-" he whimpered softly, breathlessly, smiling a little against Severus's lips, "Remmmuuusss." Both of Sirius's arms, however, locked around Severus in front of him and took his mouth again in a deep kiss. _Oh gods, he wants me._  
  
Severus captured up Sirius by the lips for his own, tongue pressing into his mouth, while one hand dipped down between his own legs, Severus palmed his hand over his erection, trying to master it, fingering his balls.  
  
Remus's head bowed as he licked the back of Sirius's neck, sucking gently on the points of his spine.  
  
 _Fuck ..._ Sirius shuddered and whimpered sweetly as he cupped his own hand over Severus's erection, rubbing him with the heel of his palm, "Ohhhhhhhhgods-" Everything Remus was making him feel was translated to Severus's mouth, Sirius gave it all to Severus that way, his reaction, the way his entire body shuddered when Remus's nail brushed him softly over the head of his sex. The black haired pureblood sucked Severus's tongue immediately, hungrily as his hips began to work back against Remus's erection at the same time. Sirius's lips and tongue were like hot, soft brail detailing what Remus was doing to Sirius's body.

Remus's second hand curled around, across Sirius's chest, fingers thumbing over his nipples, pinching them with another growing groan. Both men, in their own way showing their fierce desire for Sirius, his happiness. Though fabric separated them, the swell in Remus's pants pressed between Sirius's ass cheeks, hot and wanting.

Sirius gasped and his head tipped back, neck exposed, "Ohhhh, yes-" His fingers curled around Severus's cock at the same time, hand having breached the waistband of his dark pants.

Severus's groan was caught up in his throat, stifled as he bowed his head, kissing the length of Sirius on the neck, licking it with the force of his firm (usually volatile) tongue. 

Sirius started to stroke Severus with tight, kneading fingers as he panted the words, "Remus ... want you to ... "

"Ahhh-" Remus gasped, wiggling out of his pants before the head of his cock wetly pressed against Sirius's backside once more - his hand moved down Sirius's thigh, hooking under his leg, parting them as he shifted his hips down, just barely pressing in, just barely able to restrain himself, "ahh- ahhh- yessss-"

Sirius MOANED, "Ohgods-" his breath became quicker, hotter and he started to take it out on Severus with his squeezing, stroking hand, thumb circling over the head of his rescuer's cock. "Severus ... he ... you're so ... ohhh ..." He kissed the other black haired man again wildly, needing him desperately at that moment.

Severus whimpered into Sirius's mouth, desperate hands moving around him. _Have you, have you_.  
  
Remus gasped, pushing in smoothly, clinging to Sirius's leg, kissing Sirius's shoulder over and over.  
  
Sirius hooked his leg around Severus's thigh, bringing their hips closer and he cried out a little, "AH!" Sirius clutched Severus tightly with the arm that the pureblood felt pinned to the bed under Severus's neck. "AH ... GODS-" He hissed a little, whimpering and then relaxing with a shudder. 

Severus's mouth moved to cover Sirius's lips, encouraging, promising:  _safe, have you, want it to stop, I'll make it stop._

Sirius relaxed around Remus and his body sunk back against the werewolf, his werewolf with a soft, purring groan of awe. It felt like one man, like Severus was inside him, or like he was kissing Remus ... it didn't matter, he'd never felt so completely adored.

Remus curled himself around Sirius, arching his back as he slid into Sirius deeper, slowly fucking him, growing his affections.   
  
Severus's breath was soft, his eyes slowly opening and closing between watching and listening to Sirius; but there was always touch, always contact as his hands moved over the pureblood's chest, hips, or up behind the back of his neck.

Sirius moved, responding to Severus's touch with quiet, breathless adoration as he watched Severus with grey, blurred dark eyes. His head sank back to Remus's shoulder, and he was out of Severus's arms, but still, Sirius's eyes were on the other dark haired man as Remus filled him in pulses.

Severus shifted himself closer, so that his and Sirius's chest would press up against one another - breathing - he swallowed, bowing his head just under Sirius's chin, kissing his collar bone - pressing the palm of one hand against Sirius's sex, feeling the force of Remus thrusting into the pureblood's body.

Sirius SHUDDERED, almost convulsing at the feeling. "OHGodyesyesyesyes ... Se- R- Ohh ..." His long, slim back began to arch and his lungs struggled for air cool enough to breathe. "REMUS! OH-" Sirius shut his eyes, both arms around Severus again, clinging, "Sev ... I'm ... I'myourmakingme-"

Severus remained gentle, slow, he closed his eyes too, kissing Sirius's neck, whispering into his ear, his name - to keep him grounded, not detached, here, with him, both of them. His hand moved around Sirius's sex, in a perfect 'O', jerking it from the base, all the way up it's shaft in smooth, slick motions.

Unable to help it any longer, Sirius gasped and his voice went silent as he screamed without a sound, gripped and SHAKEN by the orgasm that burst through his body, against Severus's stomach and hand. "Ahhhh-" he moaned, CLUTCHING Severus for life as Remus thrust into him, faster and harder, hitting a tight, dizzying, feverish spot inside of the daring pureblood.

Severus did not let go, he simply smoothed the cum in his hands over Sirius's sex, petting him gently with his own juices.   
  
Remus however had the endurance of any animal, he could last all night, but it had been so long, painfully long and lonely, with only Severus's tolerant company that his burning for Sirius would not hold for much longer, gasping, he moved fast, then slowed to an almost dead stop as he cried out, pouring himself into Sirius, breathless.

Sirius, to his shock came again at the same time, swelling and then pouring into Severus's gorgeous, gorgeous, beloved hands for a second time. Sirius's head snapped back, as his body arched almost violently, like an archery bow pulled to readiness. "Ahh-" he gasped and pressed one kiss to Remus's cheek before he passed out cold.  
  
Remus sighed, pleased, wrapping his arms around Sirius's chest, remaining how he was.  
  
Severus however had rewarded Sirius's second coming with a kiss, but found him non responsive. He frowned, "… Sirius?" He said gently? No response. Though, he was breathing, Severus felt his pulses. _Too much. He's alright, just too much._ Severus tucked his face against Sirius's neck, if he got cold, stopped breathing, woke up, the spy would know and with this knowledge, eventually allowed himself to nod off as well.

 

*                    *                    *

 

After some interesting dreams, morning came too soon. Remus was still pressed up against Sirius, proving to be a wonderful wolf blanket.   
  
Sirius was sleeping deeply, dreamlessly, and even as consciousness crept over his mind, the first feeling was joy.  
  
Severus was dead asleep, dreaming that his left eye was stuck, as the skin of his eyelid was dry and prevented it from moving properly back into place and yet he could still see perfectly fine. Yet, even though it caused him no trouble with his vision, it was still an imperfection he could not stand and tore at the eyelid to separate the connection so that his eye would roll back into place. Severus didn't sleep much, but when he did, he had the oddest dreams.  
  
Remus however was dreaming of panda and polar bears in a building that was falling in on itself while patching the ceiling with scarves. Remus mumbled in his sleep, "… pink one … raining … go-"

Sirius hummed and turned his head back to look at Remus with a little smile, "Hmm?" One grey eye opened. Memories rushed back suddenly, Severus stroking and kissing him and Remus ... "Oh ..." he murmured, looking at Remus.

Remus awoke with a lion like yawn, stretching out his legs, arms hugging around Sirius, "… mmmm …"

Severus's fingers were caked together from the cum Sirius had covered his hands in the night before, black hair veiling his face which was pressed into a flat pillow.

Remus slowly opened his eyes and focused himself on Sirius with a smile and a kiss, "Morning."

Sirius swallowed and licked his own lips, turning gently between the arms around him to face Remus, kissing him with an amazed sort of laugh. _Kissing ... we're kissing_. A thrill ran through his body, we're finally _kissing_. His still delicately thin body pressed against Remus gently and one hand curled in the werewolf's soft amber and grey hair.

Remus smiled, hugging Sirius still, hands fingering the tips of Sirius's black hair.

Sirius kissed him again, blushing. "Mmm-" He hugged Remus, stroking the back of his neck.

"Sleep well?" The werewolf asked gently, as his original reasoning for joining Severus and Sirius was because he was having nightmares.

Sirius murmured, "Blissfully ..." he whispered, smiling brightly at Remus, looking years and years younger at the moment. 

Remus smiled proudly, "Good."

The pureblood licked his own lips and tucked some of Remus's hair behind his ear, "Good." Sirius just laughed quietly again, "I ... that really happened, didn't it?"

Remus blinked a few times, worrying his lower lip, "Yes … was that, alright?"

Sirius smiled again, moving closer, murmuring, "Yeah, it ... it was ... perfect."

Remus pressed his cheek against Sirius's forehead, just holding him, "I- never though it'd be like this."  
  
Sirius sighed and hugged Remus close, nose tucked against the other man's warm, familiar neck. "No one did ..." His eyes closed and he flattened his hand against the werewolf's skin.  
  
Severus awoke with a groan, opening his eyes, because he finally could _… stupid dreams_. Lifting his head from the pillow he saw Sirius and Remus snuggling, then let his face fall back into the pillow, _what day is it? Oh ... oh I remember ... ugh._  
  
"Remus ..." Sirius continued quietly, "I ... don't know what this means ..."

Remus laughed slightly, "Neither do I Sirius- but ... is it ok? Maybe?"

Sirius just breathed for a long, long time, still holding onto Remus. After everything he'd been through, _especially_ after everything he'd been through Sirius had no use for half truths, "I don't know ..."

"I'm sorry-" Remus said quickly, unsure of his place in Sirius's life, he was in Severus's bed, Severus's room after all … maybe he shouldn't have intruded upon them.

"No ... it's alright, I just ..." Sirius became withdrawn for a long moment, "Don't know. I honestly don't know."

Severus rolled out of bed, shuffling away to his bathroom, hearing parts of the private conversation and not wanting to be drawn into it. With the returning thought that he had lost Sirius, that he had never stood a chance anyway.  
  
Remus just held Sirius, rubbing a hand down his back, _sometimes it is best not to define things, not to know_.

Sirius felt and heard Severus leave, and he closed his eyes. It hurt. Something about Severus walking away like that hurt, even if Remus was holding him.  
  
Severus turned on the shower and undressed, washing his hands, his chest, his hair and face with a sigh.

Sirius licked his lips again and sat up slowly, tucking a strand of black hair behind his ear. "I ... need a ... bath." Sirius wrapped sheets around himself. _Oh gods ... what have I done?_  And started getting out of bath, clouds already starting to strangle thoughts in his head.

"Sure." Remus nodded and got out of bed too, opening the door for Sirius with a soft smile, the bath was upstairs, just between Sirius's and Remus's room.

Sirius paled and started to shiver, "Thanks." He left the room like a ghost and started up the stairs, tears already heavy in his eyes.

After Sirius left, Remus gathered up his clothes and dressed, heading into the kitchen to wash his hands and face before starting on breakfast for the household. 

After a few minutes, Severus came out of the steamy bathroom, half dressed, wearing slacks and a shirt that he was still buttoning up his chest. Everyone was gone _… oh._  
  
Sirius clenched his jaw and covered his mouth until he escaped into the bathroom, shutting the door a little hard and then, safely by himself, crumpled, sobbing into his hands with such violence that he was totally silent, air squeezing his lungs shut as it escaped.  
  
Finally dressed, Severus headed into the kitchen with the werewolf, looking around, "Where's Sirius?"  
  
"Taking a bath." Remus said as he scrambled eggs.  
  
Severus was silent, he didn't hear water running.   
  
"Want any sausage?" Remus offered.  
  
"Uh … sure, two links would be fine." Severus paused, "I'll be right back, thanks." Severus headed out of the kitchen, then up the stairs, softly. 

There was still no sound from the bathroom, but the door was shut, locked.

Severus stopped outside of the door, listening carefully, then knocked on the bathroom door, "Sirius?" He waited, "Sirius- sorry to bother you." He fumbled for something to say, "I was wondering Sirius, if maybe you wanted to get out of the house today? I have some errands to run in Knockurn Alley, and maybe you, as Padfoot, would like to join me?" He asked hopefully.

No sound. Frost crept under the door, into the hallway from inside the bathroom.

"Sirius?" Severus asked anxiously, hand jerking at the freezing door knob, pulling out is wand.

An ear-curdling scream ripped from inside the bathroom and the frost spread.

" _Alohomora_!!!" Severus demanded and the door was thrown open, Remus dropping breakfast and rushing the stairs at the scream.

The door flew into the bathroom and shattered into pieces on the floor, the wood had been frozen solid and brittle like glass. The bathroom was completely, utterly black inside, the sort of dark that forbids normal light from penetrating it properly and icicles hung off of every surface, from the ceiling. Nail marks had ripped at the wallpaper and some blood, black blood, had smeared down the wall and onto the floor where Sirius's body lay in a heap.

" _Lumosmenti_!" Light was brought into the room, bouncing off the walls and floor, slowly allowing for some points to drip and begin to melt, Severus skidded over to Sirius's body just as Remus burst into the bathroom, wand in hand, eyes wild.

Sirius wasn't moving at all, he wasn't breathing either. The white sheet that he'd wound around himself looked burned into black, tattered rags and ashes that lay over his now completely skeletal body.  
  
"What did you- ?!" Remus began.  
  
Severus cradled Sirius's head in his lap, no pulse, not breathing, _"Spiritus- spiritus-_ " He whispered over and over, _breathe, breath in the spirit of life … breathe._

Sirius's face was shocking, his eyes were shut, blackened so that his eyelashes blended in against his skin. His lips had gone chalk white. He looked barely human. A deep, ominous rattling noise started in his chest as Sirius turned.

Severus placed his hand against Sirius's chest, keeping him still, _let him live_ , Severus began to call up a dark spell, _let him live._

Sirius's lips parted as the spell was spoken and frost crept over his lips, the rattling became louder and his chest started to rise as though he was fighting. One hand flexed slowly, clenching and then opening slowly and he started to shake.

Severus bowed his head to Sirius's face, lips just inches away as he said the final words, breathing out, giving Sirius his breath, life, part of himself; hand still pressed against the man's chest, _you must live._

Sirius WRENCHED his head away and he writhed, he was fighting. Fighting as hard as he could in the cold and the dark his body arching and twitching violently until he gasped finally and coughed, vomiting black, gritty something onto the floor and coughing again, but breathing again.

Severus expelled the blackness away with a violent shot of flame from his wand, before demanding " _Protego_ " and protection around any more intrusions.  
  
"… what?" Remus asked stupidly.  
  
"Get him a blanket Remus." Severus said coldly.  
  
Sirius kept coughing and coughing, one hand against the floor as he spat out more pitch black, gritty vomit. The ashen blanket fell away and before Severus's eyes, muscle and color returned to Sirius's body within seconds. The black receded from around the pureblood's closed eyes, finally leaving only a thin ring of black by the time he laid his head in Severus's lap again and sobbed quietly.

Remus had unwillingly left to retrieve blankets. Severus kept expelling the blackness away as Sirius vomited it up, he closed his eyes, being the strength Sirius needed, silent until Remus returned and bounced against the invisible shield around the two men that Severus had conjured. Severus let down the guard and allowed Remus in, the werewolf knelt, wrapping blankets over Sirius's frame.

Sirius relaxed a little under the blankets, curling up under them, still weeping, but softer. _My eyes are raining_. He felt like someone had sucked everything out of him, every emotion, every ounce of life. _Severus._

Severus finally removed his hand from Sirius's chest, moving to the top of his head, feeling his temperature, listening to his body, what it needed.

The pureblood opened his pale eyes slowly. They looked red around the grey pools of iris, and his skin was tattooed black into the limits of his eyelashes. "How did you know ..."  
  
Severus barely shook his head, "Shhh-" his lips parted, just barely a whisper.  
  
Remus's hand covered Sirius's, desperately holding onto him.  
  
Sirius took Remus's hand and squeezed it, "Sorry."

"Oh god! God! Sirius! What happened!"  
  
"Not now Remus." Severus said firmly.

Sirius turned his head, resting it against Severus's chest. "Can we get out of the bathroom?"

Severus nodded, sitting up, pulling his hand under Sirius's back, helping to support his weight, Remus did the same on the other side and the two men flawlessly lifted Sirius up, carrying them into Sirius's otherwise unused bedroom.

Sirius didn't laugh or even comment sarcastically on why it took two of them to carry the emaciated man.

The two gently put Sirius down in his bed, Remus on one side, Severus on the other. "What do you need?" Severus asked finally.

Sirius was silent, withdrawn; and he didn't speak for a long moment. "A glass of water."

Remus, having been useless jumped up and announced, "I'll get it." Before he disappeared down the hall to get water from the kitchen.

Sirius crumbled again and hid his face in Severus's shirt.

Severus said nothing, just wrapped his arms around the other man, a hand against the base of Sirius's skull, holding him to his chest.

Sirius curled against the darker man, arms around his shoulders, crying shamefully into his black shirt shoulder. Tears were just like blood that couldn't clot, once Sirius began crying, his body had a hard time stopping and aftershocks were ringing through his shaken mind.

Severus made no attempts to silence Sirius, he let him, his body, do what it needed. _Release, let go_. And know, that Severus was there, dependable, always.

"Have you figured it out already?" Sirius managed as he struggled to calm down.  
  
Sirius spoke with his cheek pressed against Severus's, when he blinked, his eyelashes brushed wet strokes against Severus's pale skin.

Severus sighed, "Honestly Sirius- I can't even begin to understand-"

Sirius sighed and hugged Severus tighter, "I do ..." he said in a rough, quiet voice with despair. The wrecked pureblood drew back, looking at Severus with teary, black rimmed eyes, "Don't you know that no one ever lives long in Azkaban? Ever wonder what they do with the bodies?"

Everything on Severus's face said, _I try not to think about such things._

Sirius smoothed a hand over Severus's shirt slowly, thoughtfully, "There are no bodies."

_But this is not Azkaban._

Sirius sighed, whispering, "Where do you think Dementors come from?"

Severus's body tightened, "Please Sirius- just explain to me-"

Sirius looked at him again, calm now, almost apathetic, "Azkaban isn't just a prison," he swallowed another pathetic round of sobbing, "it's a dementor factory. We, the prisoners, are raw material." He focused on a button on Severus's shirt as he spoke, "What happens in there is that after months ... or years, it depends on the prisoner, on what they're made of ... we all give up." He stopped himself, correcting, " _They_ all give up. When that happens, when a person's will to live is finally overcome, when the pain has chased out the hold someone has on their soul, then it happens." Sirius, harrowed, looked up and a tear fell from his cheekbone, "We become dementors."

_You're not saying that. You're not saying that you lost all hope, in the time it took you to go to the bathroom, that you're soul was so shattered … you're safe here, don't you feel safe? … loved?_ Severus's eyes burned dry, "Sirius-" he breathed.

Sirius took a deep, deep breath, shaking his head gently, "But it only happens in Azkaban, it's only possible there. I was in there for over a decade, twelve years before you rescued me ... there was ... damage." He hugged Severus again with cold, cold arms, "I never turned all the way, I almost did ... almost."

Severus's gaze fell, he wanted to say that he was sorry, but really, what did he have to apologize for? For not being enough? For …? What?

Sirius swallowed, shivering, "I ... lost it."

Severus's arms tightened around Sirius, "… why?" he asked bravely.

Sirius was lost again for words and he felt dead leaves blowing in the hollow where his heart used to sit. "I ..." he shook his head, words escaping him, "hurt."

Severus's eyes calmed shut as he tucked his face into Sirius's neck, _Why? Why? Why? What have I done wrong? I was meant to free you from hurt, from pain … why? Why do you still suffer?_

Sirius breathed, slower, slower yet before he spoke, rubbing Severus on his neck and back. "After ... those years, I think it's just hard to have strong feelings and not dissolve."

Severus nodded in partial comprehension, "I'm sorry Sirius-" Severus apologized for any failure or shortcomings on his part.

"It's not you ... really, it just felt more like ... like all of a sudden I was sick."

"What can I do?" Severus pulled his head back slightly.

Sirius leaned his forehead against the spy's, just nuzzling their faces together. _Just say it_. "It ... gets worse when you're not around."

Severus had no time to debate or argue against why he had such an impact on Sirius, only accepted that he did, and would not abuse that. "I'm here Sirius." Severus promised, "For as long, as much as you want me."

Sirius nodded slowly, "I think last night was ... a bit too much for me."

Severus sighed, _last night …_ "It doesn't need to happen again." It took Severus a moment before he outlined what would be the foundation for rules of the house, "if you come to my room Sirius, it is just us, our time … the same with Remus, but in his room."

Sirius nodded and hugged Severus tightly. He snuggled his face against Severus's neck, closing his eyes, "You're so warm."

Severus didn't smile, but he did sigh, finally taking a full breath, rubbing his hand down the length of Sirius's back, "Do you still want your water?"

"Please."

"Remus-" Severus said casually, and Remus, who had been standing in the hall, silently listening came into the room with a glass of water, passing it off to Sirius.  
  
Sirius sniffled and took it, "Thanks ..." he looked up Remus's arm to his scar-lined face, to the blue eyes beyond the lines, "You heard."

Remus smiled a little, "Yeah." Feeling secure, this was Sirius's room, if he wanted both of them there, that's how it would be, just as if he wanted neither of them. 

"Sorry ..."

It took the werewolf a long minute of silence, looking to his own hands, "No, it's ok … I understand."

Sirius took a long drink of water, swallowing twice, getting the grainy taste of vomit out of his mouth. "I just assumed that you both knew. Sometimes I forget I'm the first one to escape."

The three men sat around Sirius, processing what had happened, each in their own way. Remus began with a hint of confusion, "Then … in the bathroom … I mean do you know, are you sure it only happens in Azkaban?"

Sirius shrugged, "Well whenever it happened in ... there-" he began, exhausted and drifting to sleep with a yawn, "we were marked with a tattoo ... " Sirius closed his blackened eyes and fell into a heavy, long sleep.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Severus had put off his errands to Knockturn Alley until later that week. Dressing in robes appropriate for the dark, underground, sub wizarding culture, Severus had offered again for Sirius's company (as Padfoot) and was waiting for his final decision.

Sirius had just woken up from napping with a huge yawn and padded downstairs into the living room in his housecoat, "Are you going now?"

Severus smiled a little upon seeing Sirius as he stuffed his potion supply list into his pocket, "Soon, yes."

"Is the offer still good?"

"Yes, if you are still interested."

Sirius nodded sleepily, looking around, "Can you write Remus a note?"

"Sure." Severus crossed into the kitchen and scribbled a note on a piece of parchment for Remus, placing it on the table with a weight, knowing he'd see it when he came home.

Padfoot was waiting, laying on the ground, chewing on Sirius's housecoat and wagging when he saw Severus.

Severus smiled, petting Padfoot just behind the ears as he passed, walking them to the front door, "Stay close-" the spy said simply.

Padfoot nipped at Severus's robes playfully and trotted beside him, black fabric in his mouth.  
 

*               *               *

  
In Knockturn Alley, Severus led the leashless black dog through the stone streets, damp and dirty from the lack of sunlight. Most of the witches and wizards there kept to themselves, or else stood in alcoves, making private exchanges.

Padfoot couldn't help chasing a couple of birds in circles, but always returned right to Severus's side, sometimes seeming to try to wap the stern man with his tail on purpose a few times.

With a small chime of the door, Severus opened the door for Padfoot first, and into _Borgin & Burkes_, picking up a small shipment of human fingernails, eagle talons, and one dragon claw.

Padfoot jaunted inside, sniffing everything in baskets curiously, looking up at the shelves.

Severus conducted his business, "… no, the agreement was half that."  
  
Mr. Burke plead his case, keeping Severus's supplies within hand.  
  
"No Mr Burke, I do not care. You promised me that rate, and that's what I expect to pay. You will honor your original deal."  
  
Padfoot tilted his head and sauntered over, sitting beside Severus.  
  
After more argument, Severus ended casually, "You realize of course that means I walk, right now- leaving you stuck with a shipment of non tradable goods. You will get nothing for your efforts; you will have to absorb the cost yourself, now ... am I walking out empty handed, not to do business with you in the future?"

Padfoot's tail thumped on the floor and he craned his neck to look at Mr. Burke.  
  
Mr. Burke seemed to be sweating before writing down the final settlement. Severus nodded and paid the man from the galleons from the bag under the vest of his robe. Taking up the parcel, Mr. Burke offered his hand to shake, Severus simply refused it and walked out, letting Padfoot out first.

The huge black dog shouldered his way out and waited for Severus on the side walk, barking at a raven on top of a street lamp. _RRRR-_

A street urchin approached Severus and Padfoot, peddling out trinkets in his hand, charms and necklaces, "Most able master- guard against vampires? Charm for healthy offspring? …?"

If a dog could laugh, the black dog beside Severus did. Padfoot, however, licked the child's hand, wagging.

Severus ignored the young man with stringy hair that was even more gritty than his own, "… perhaps …" the boy tugged at the scruff of Padfoot's neck, "something for your companion?"

Padfoot whimpered and cuddled the boy, licking his face eagerly and then looking at Severus.

Severus turned sharply on his heels, irate, "Don't touch what is not yours …" he threatened.  
  
The boy looked smug, "He has no collar, I think he's mine-"  
  
A shop keeper exited out of his store, slamming the door and grabbing the boy, shaking him, "Snape, forgive my nephew … he doesn't know trash from more important clients."

Padfoot backed up, looking confused and then barking at the shopkeeper a couple of times. _RRRRRRR!_  
  
Severus patted the side of his leg for Padfoot to come close to him.

Padfoot huffed and growled again, trotting over to Severus and sighing in disgust.

"Let me get you a drink on me-" the man offered, releasing the boy to scamper off to sell his junk and empty promises elsewhere.

Padfoot bared his teeth, snapping.

Severus placed a hand behind Padfoot's head, trying to calm him in the presence of those he dealt with on a regular basis, "I really haven't the time today Brooks-"

The black dog shook his head and sneezed at the shopkeeper.

The man stepped close, barely placing a hand on Severus's left arm.  
  
But the touch upset Severus's balance, "Don't touch me."  
  
"I'm sorry- I thought-"  
  
"I know what you thought. Just … don't." Severus's voice could have frozen an entire lake.  
  
Padfoot was tense, baring his teeth again and growling like an angry bear. _Get away._

Brooks swallowed hard, before stuttering, "… um, right … see you around then Snape, another time … good day."  
  
Severus parted with a phrase that was socially acceptable and walked off to attend to the rest of his errands.

Padfoot huffed again, but trotted beside the dark Potionsist, staying very close to his leg.

Most of the afternoon was spent walking, just _finding_ the small speciality shops that were tucked away, only conducting a few minutes of business, before moving on to the next. Finally at their last one, Severus had just forced his way through a crowded intersection, quite unnerved by how many people brushed up against him, checking his pockets over and over to make sure he still had his money and purchases.  
  
Padfoot stayed close, quite relaxed, even happy to see crowds again.

Entering the final shop (which was half a sleazy pub with some kinky bartenders), Severus pushed his way in, waving off being served, making sure that Padfoot was at his heels.

And Padfoot _was_ at his heels, but definitely looking around, curious. It sounded like a joke _... A Slytherin, a dog, and a convict walk into a bar._

A rather large, walrus of a man sat in the back, eating from about eight plates set before him, a woman who looked like she had been through a bad animagius transformation was sitting just to his side, helping him to drink, while her leopard tale wrapped around his leg.

Padfoot frowned and moved closer to Severus, almost leaning against his leg.

"Severus!" The man greeted the spy with an annoying amount of frivolity.  
  
Severus just nodded that he saw him, walking over, petting his hand over Padfoot's shoulders and back before sitting opposite the large man. Snape's dog didn't look very happy at all.

"Look at you! Haven't seen you in ages man! And what's this?" The man bent over to Padfoot, "got yourself a dog, have ya? Come here boy? What's his name, eh Severus?"

Padfoot just glared, leaning against Severus with obvious dislike on his face. "Anubis. And he doesn't like people." Severus continued to stroke his hand over the black dog.

The man just laughed, a belly rolling laugh, "Ahhh, but he likes you, and you're people- or else you trying to tell me something, eh? Eh?"

Padfoot rolled his eyes, turning his glare to the leopard tail. _Cat. Grrr cat._

Severus said nothing to this, just continued on, getting right to business, "You said that you had the dragon bone, I would like to see it, examine it for it's properties before we continue."

The man drank heavily again, "Yes yes-" he nodded to the leopard girl and she got up reluctantly, heading into the back, returning shortly after with a long box and placing it on the table before Severus.

Padfoot's eyes followed the tail again. _Kitty bad_. He licked his chops. Severus opened the box and peered in, not handling the bone directly.

"This of course releases me from our arrangement Severus … it's a shame, really, I could have provided some more entertaining services to pass off my dept-" he grinned, stroking the cat woman.

Padfoot edged a little closer, growling softly. _Get the cat ... get cat ..._ Sirius's mind overcame the dog mind for a moment, _Wait ... what!?_ He looked up at the huge man, angry.

Severus closed the box, "This will do." He said simply, one hand reaching down, instinctively pressing against the flat of Padfoot's chest, keeping him back, close.  
  
"Can't I get you to stay? Maybe something to eat? Yes! Stay … we can play with each other's pets-"  
  
Severus's wand however was out in a flash, uttering " _Sempiternus flamma_ " as a continual flame shot into the man's chest, paralysing him with tremendous heat, Severus knew the man was into bestiality, he framed his disgust, "You will contain yourself and such langue if ever we do business again … as it is, I release you from your dept to me, may you never have another."

Padfoot backed up, tugging at Severus's robes as he did. _Out out out fire bad out._  
  
The walrus of a man began to sweat out liters under Severus's spell as the spy stood, gathering up his things; no one in the pub even batting an eye at the violence. With a flick of his wrist, he released the man and walked out, again with Padfoot at his side.  
  
Once out into the street he sighed, "Let's go home."

Padfoot leaned against him a little again and grunted, more than ready.

 

*                    *                    *

 

Severus walked them home a different way then they came, hoping to give Sirius as much as a well rounded outside excursion as possible before soon enough they were walking in their front door once more.

Padfoot almost skipped back inside the house and when Severus followed, he turned around again, fastening the tie on his housecoat with a huge smile. "I just went OUT! OUT! I was ... outside!"

Severus smiled, putting his things down, "Not exactly a great vacation place, but-"

Sirius hugged Severus with a massive smile, laughing.

Severus hugged Sirius right back, smiling, whispering, "I'm glad that I could do this with you."

"That was incredible!" Sirius whispered, giddy, "I was out! I was out! I got hit on as a dog! But I'm out!"

Severus petted his hand down the length of Sirius's back as if he were still the black dog.  
  
Sirius grinned even more, turned his head, and kissed Severus, impulsively. "Mmm-"

Severus allowed for a moment's shock, stiffening with surprise before he relaxed familiarly within Sirius's embrace, kissing him back; if it were anyone else, anyone at all, they might have found themselves already hexed beyond recognition by now, their mother wouldn't even know them.

Sirius paused in the kiss, his smile softening as their lips brushed. _Soft ..._ Sirius's hand came up to the side of Severus's face, brushing his thumb over his cheekbone before he kissed him again, and not just out of gratitude.

For a moment Severus revisited a long-ago thought. Why had Sirius shown interest in him those years ago; how was it that it still remained? What did he have to offer the pureblood that he couldn't already get from the friends he already had? Severus stroked a hand along Sirius's side, before resting on his waist.

Remus cleared his throat, standing in the doorframe to the kitchen, "Dinner's ready when you are."

Sirius paused and pulled away, but didn't turn around, " ... Alright, thanks." He licked his lips, trying not to look like he was breathing quickly.

Severus looked down, nodding and taking up his things once more, "Enjoy" he said gently before heading to his room.

Sirius sighed, rubbing his face with one hand and turned, walking into the kitchen slowly, looking at Remus's back. Remus was tense. Sirius could tell from the set of his elbows as he put a bowl on the table. "Hi ..." he walked in.

"Have a nice time out?" Remus began, setting out the mashed potatoes.

"Remus ... you're pissed off." Sirius walked to the table, leaning against it, looking at Remus with his arms crossed over his chest.

In three days time was the full moon. "I'm heading out tomorrow, I just wanted to spend some time with you."

"I ... I was just ..." Sirius sighed and straightened, moving closer, "you honestly can't be jealous."

 _Why not. I was first, wasn't I?_ "Let's just eat Sirius-"

"Remus!" Sirius followed him, whispering with a hiss, "Didn't you just spend ... a whole night watching me do MORE than that with him? You seemed FINE with it then."  
  
"You're right." Remus did not raise his voice, "I was fine with it. I didn't think that you'd choose one of us over the other … that it might work … that way."

Sirius blinked, "I kissed him. I _kissed_  him. Remus, you're overreacting."

"Then sit down and eat with me."

Sirius sighed and turned, walking out, "I'm going to change." His voice was tight, "I'll be right back. It doesn't mean I'm choosing the bedroom over the kitchen. Don't panic."

Remus sat, staring at the meal he had made, hating every bit of it as if it had caused him some great personal insult.

Five minutes later, Sirius walked back downstairs in an old t shirt and jeans, yanking a chair out and sitting in it with his feet up on the table, arms crossed.

Remus however stood, crying, "Sirius- I am not your father." He paused, "I wish you would stop trying to fight me as if I were … you did it when you we were younger, and you are still doing it now. I'm going to go. I'll see you in a month." Remus wiped his eyes, walking out of the kitchen.

"What?" Sirius dropped all of his anger and followed Remus, "Remus. Remus! Stop." He followed Remus out of the kitchen and reached out, stopping him by his elbow, "I'm not ... I don't mean to do that okay? But it's hard when you get all quiet and angry!"

Remus swallowed hard, turning and facing Sirius, not knowing what to say, throat burning too much even if he had words.

Sirius's eyes softened and he wiped tears away from Remus's eyes. "Don't take off, okay? I'm sorry."

"I just want to spend some time with you Sirius, I know I rushed things before- and I just ... wanted to spend some time together."

Sirius sighed and hugged Remus close, murmuring, "Shut it and hug me, Moony."

Remus's arms encircled Sirius's body, hugging him gently, careful with his strength, _you're the only person who makes me cry._  
  
Sirius rubbed his back slowly and kissed Remus on the cheek. He missed Remus. He missed this, the rare moments that they'd started to touch in before ... their lives exploded. "Come on, come on, let's go have dinner, okay? You probably spent all day making it."

Remus wrapped his arm around Sirius's side and escorted him back into the kitchen.  
  
Sirius sat down and smiled a little at Remus, "You okay there?" It was sweet, Sirius knew that he was the only one who could make Remus get all frustrated and choked up, he teased him about it of course, but secretly, he loved being special to the werewolf.

Remus nodded, "… I was being genuine before. Did you have a nice time out?"

Sirius laughed a little and squeezed Remus's hand before he took a deep breath, "Uh, yeah, went to knockturn alley and PADFOOT got hit on!"

"Ugh, I suppose that's to be expected in a place like that." _People, like that._

Sirius laughed and shuddered, letting go of Remus's hand and looking at the food, "BABY CARROTS!"

 

*               *               *

 

Sirius couldn't sleep that night. He and Remus had dinner, then they'd washed dishes and Sirius fell asleep at the table and just woke up in his own bed, tucked in, lights out. _Remus carried me up here and tucked me in_. The fugitive smiled a little, stretching and sitting up in bed. Everything was dead quiet in the house, as though the night had been frozen. Only the wind in the trees made noise as Sirius got up and walked out of his bedroom quietly.

Remus's single bag was packed and sitting in the hall in front of his door, ready for him when he got up later that morning to leave.

Sirius walked down the hall quietly and peered in through the open door, _he usually can't sleep before the moons ..._ "Remus?"

Remus was laying in his bed in the dark, fully clothed on top of the sheets, hand over his forehead, "You can come in." he said, exhausted.

Sirius walked in, his black hair partly over his face, "Headache?" He closed the door after him softly, leaning back against it with a little smile.

"A bit." Remus sighed, but not moving to get up, "Severus will only allow me one tonic a day, says any more than that is dangerous, I keep telling him my tolerance is too high and I need a stronger dose-" the werewolf rambled, "I suppose I should just be thankful to have a potionist to work for free within my own home."

The almost full moon lit Remus's skin in soft blues and whites, making him look almost angelic. The pureblood walked closer and knelt on the bed, sitting beside his werewolf, watching his face as he spoke. "Do you want a headache potion?"

"I already took one."  
  
Sirius put his own hand over Remus's, feeling that familiar pull at his heart. "Can I do anything?"

Remus sighed heavily, "Since you're up, just … keep me company, that would be nice."

Sirius laid down with him, curling up and kissing the cool skin over his temple. "I can do that."

The corner of Remus's mouth quirked into a smile as he turned his head, staring into Sirius's chest, "Thanks."

Sirius kissed the top of Remus's head, smelling his hair. "Where do you go to transform now?"

"With the others." Remus answered vaguely.

Remus's tone made Sirius freeze and he paused, "Others?"

Remus turned on his side, facing Sirius completely, a hand resting in the valley of his hip, "It's what I do Sirius. To bond with the other werewolves, get close to them, gain their trust, get followers and information."

Sirius frowned, arm tightening around Remus, "You ... do?" He looked at Remus, reading his face easily. "What if ... I mean ... other werewolves ..."

Remus closed his eyes for a breath, then looked to Sirius clearly, "What if _what_ Sirius?"

It had been the one thing Sirius was afraid of. Like attracting like. Remus needing something he couldn't give. Sirius just nodded and hugged Remus again. _I don't want to know._

Remus hugged Sirius once more, a hand gently moving up and down his back. _Don't hate me because of this, don't let this change anything._

"Would you stop ... going there if we were ..."

"It's my job Sirius, my job." _Don't ask me to give that up._

"Would you want to stop?" A chill moved down Sirius's spine and his mouth went dry.

"Sirius, please understand I need this, as much as I don't like it sometimes, I need it. To be useful- to have a job- to do something meaningful with my life ... to have the opportunity to make the difference ... so no, I would not want to stop."

Sirius swallowed, nodding. "It was always ... something I was sort of afraid of, even before." _Why am I relieved?_ Sirius sighed, resting their foreheads together. "I'm glad you have something you need, but-" he sat up slowly still looking at Remus, "I ... refuse to even try and compete with that."

Remus frowned, "Sirius-" he was taken aback, "who said that you had to compete?"

Sirius stood, "It's fine, Remus."

Remus sat up, perplexed, "Sirius?"

Sirius sighed and swallowed, "Yeah?" His jaw tensed and shook a little.

"I- I don't understand. It doesn't have to be one or the other."

"It does."

"Why?"

Sirius sighed, looking down, "Remus, I'm not ... I know I'm not who I used to be. Maybe before I thought I had a chance at being enough, but not anymore."  
  
Remus shook his head, even then it wouldn't have worked - it wasn't about Sirius not being enough; it was about Remus being able to be useful to more than just one person, to have a world outside of Sirius; about being his own person. They never communicated very well before, the years only hurt it more. He said nothing.

"I don't get why you got jealous then." Sirius sighed, "It's probably for the best, right? Right. Night, Moony." Sirius left, climbing stairs two at a time up to the top floor, opening a window and climbing out onto the roof, sitting on the shingled floor with his back against the side of the house. _I just need space. Time. Space._

 

*                    *                    *

 

By 6:15 am, Remus Lupin was gone.

Sirius was still sitting up on the roof, smoking a pack of muggle cigarettes with shaky fingers, finishing the last one. He knew Remus was gone. He knew any chance they had was over. All he felt was angry, irritated really. The pureblood ground the last cigarette out, flicking it over the edge and blowing smoke from his lips. He didn't even enjoy smoking those, he just did it to get rid of them. Sirius would never smoke again. He'd done a lot of thinking, yes, he fought Remus like he'd fought his father, he always had. _I could never compete with his work either._ He crumpled the box and tossed it too. _So long._

Sirius opened the window, shaking dew out of his hair and climbing back inside. He started down the stairs, hungry.

Severus was on the floor of his bedroom, violently knotted up in his sheets. "Let go … no … nostop … stop …"

Sirius stopped a moment and then ran, "SEVERUS!?" _FUCK fuck fuck ... creeps from that bar ... the shopkeeper ..._ Sirius tore around the corner, racing down the hall and shouldered Severus's bedroom door open, stopping short, dropping to his knees. "Sev ... SEV ... wake up ..."

Severus's hands were pinned to his sides, his face in the dawning light made him look like a child, perhaps once innocent, if he had been able, he would strike out like a snake, but he couldn't he was powerless, "… stop, don't … stop, please-"

Sirius cupped Severus by the face, "Sev ... I'm here, shh, shh ... hey, bad dream, bad dream." The pureblood untangled Severus quickly, "Here, here ..."

The human contact made Severus's body spasm, waking up with a scream, shaking, panicking, clinging to Sirius once he realized who it was.

Sirius's eyes were wide and he hugged Severus close, "Sev, Sev, Sev ... shhhh-"

Severus panted, "… sorry, I woke you up."

"You didn't, I was up." Sirius hugged him, rubbing his back softly. "I have you, I have you. Are you okay?"

Severus's lips parted, eyes clammed shut as his head pressed into Sirius's chest; he had not allowed anyone to see him like this, ever.

"Just nod if you're okay."

Severus nodded once, though continued to cling onto Sirius, _don't leave._

Sirius kissed Severus's hair, "Okay, it's okay then, it's okay." Sirius rocked Severus a little, just murmuring again, softly, calming words in another language. "Breathe ..."

 _You're weak Severus. You've always been weak. Look at you, scared shitless by a dream. A dream, crying in the arms of another man. What are you? A woman? You're weak Severus. Weak._ Severus caught his breath. Sitting up, starting at Sirius apologetically, trying to drown out the abusive voice in his head by giving himself something else to focus on.  
  
Sirius just rested their foreheads together, murmuring, "You've seen me look way, way worse, right?"

Severus barely nodded, breathing Sirius in was comforting enough.

Sirius kissed Severus on the forehead. "Bad dream?"

"Yes." Severus admitted unwillingly.

Sirius nodded, "I used to get them too."

"They've stopped?" Severus asked hopefully.

"No," Sirius sighed, helping Severus up and moving to the bed with him, "I went to Azkaban and they took over while I was awake, so they stopped being dreams, technically."

"Oh-" Severus said tragically, licking his lips, wiping the back of his neck and the sweat from the effort of fighting his nightmares.

"Want to ... cuddle?" Sirius smiled against Severus's skin.

Severus laughed foolishly, but smiled, "That would be … nice Sirius."

Sirius smiled and crawled into bed with Severus, his own tension leaving him quickly as he pulled the dark blankets over them both. "Mmmm. Better." He laid his head on the pillow beside his former nemesis. _There it was. Peace._

Severus pressed a hand flatly against Sirius's chest, feeling him breathe, his heart beat, tucking his head along Sirius's shoulder. _He … needed, wanted …_ Sirius, more than he had never needed, or wanted anything, anyone - ever.

Sirius held Severus close, and everything inside him felt clearer, simpler. "Remus is gone."

Severus nodded, "Did you see him off?"

"No." Sirius looked at Severus, "I didn't."

Everything in Sirius's voice told him what the spy needed to know, "I'm sorry Sirius."

"Don't be, really."

Sirius was staring at Severus, just letting his eyes catalogue the darkness of the other man's eyes, the angle of his thin lips.

Severus was cautious, "What?" he asked gently, trying not to sound paranoid.

"I love Remus ..." Sirius started, still gazing at Severus, "I'll always, always love Remus." Sirius's hand went to Severus's sharp cheek again, stroking the pale skin over it and whispering, "But I'm not _in_ love with him."

Severus knew that Sirius loved Remus, else he wouldn't have allowed the werewolf to enter his room, share their bed. Yes, _their_ bed. But what was this distinction that Sirius was making? Between being in love, and loving someone? The spy simply let Sirius touch him, closing his eyes for a moment, relaxing, leaning into his hands, before looking to Sirius once more, unwavering.

Sirius just stared back for a long, long moment before he whispered, "I'm in love with you."  
  
Severus didn't even bother searching Sirius for a lie, he knew that the pureblood meant it and he was touched in a way that he'd never been before. Touched - not just his skin, which he rarely permitted, but touched - in his heart, his soul - a way no one ever had before. There was a flicker of light, life, in Severus's eyes that had not been there before.

Sirius smiled breathlessly and pressed his lips to Severus's lips softly.

Severus moved their mouths together, working together, not against each other - his hand still against Sirius's chest, fingers twisting in his shirt - _feel me, always, wanting you, always.  
_  
Sirius smiled softly, wider and kissed Severus again, stroking his hand down the center of Severus's chest, down to his waist, and then sliding around him, holding him close as they enjoyed being alone together again. _Perfect._

**Author's Note:**

> co-authored. originally written for thestralskinphoenixtears


End file.
